Once upon a time
by lunoire22
Summary: Inspired by the rumors around DSDS judge Bill Kaulitz and the French candidate Laura Kleinas and how it might have continued after she was eliminated... Bill/OC, rated M, enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_"My name is Lola Klein, I'm 18, I've been studying at the conservatoire for 2 years and I'm also a cleaning lady in a factory."_

It was four in the afternoon and pretty cold for the season. Thank god the place was warm enough; I don't think we would have beared another minute outside, standing in the queue for hours since ten o'clock.

_"My mother is German and my father is French so I have both nationalities and languages."_

My hands were pink now but still shaking with nervousness. People around me seemed to share the same feeling, as some of them kept on talking and giggling for no reason, some others remained still and quiet, a few others vocalized, kept on moving back and forth or were learning some fresh lyrics at the last minute. We could even see people crying already!

_"I've been singing since I was very little. I love all old French singers: Jacques Brel, Georges Brassens, Charles Aznavour and so on…"_

"Want some water, sweetheart?" My mom asked me.

"No thanks. If I start drinking now, I may then have to pee and go to the bathroom and miss when they call my number. And there's no way I'm making a fool of myself today!"

"Honey, it's okay." My mother said and rolled her eyes. "You have the right to drink like everybody else."

"If she doesn't want it, I'll take it." My 12-year-old little sister, Anna, said as my mom handed her the bottle. She was also nervous, but for another reason.

My 21-year-old best friend, Luce, was there too.

"It's fine." She said. "You got a beautiful voice. They're gonna love it."

_"She just loves singing. It's very easy for her and everybody loves it. She always told me that if she could make a living out of it, she'd definitely do it. I know she's a real fighter in life." _

"And you get a chance to perform in front of the twins!" Anna replied with a big grin.

My friend smiled too. Both of them were huge Tokio Hotel fans.

I jumped from my chair when they called another number. All eyes in the room were now set on the last candidate as he got out. The 25-year-old man bowed his head and his girlfriend put her arms around his neck: he wasn't holding the recall sign.

_"I'd really love to win at DSDS. I don't watch TV much in general, but I never miss an episode! It would definitely be an honor to be selected by the judges. Especially Dieter Bohlen. I'm a big fan of him."_

A blonde girl dressed in a pink top and skin-tight ripped jeans then stood up from her chair, held hands with her mother – we assumed – and went through the door to the "sluice".

"Did you see her legs?" My mother said.

"Yeah, they were so long!" My little sister confirmed. "She'd better sing well or else she is SO good for the bloopers…"

"You're wrong." Luce replied. "Her physique is bankable. So even if she doesn't have a voice, she'll go through anyway… The fact that the judges are four men this year probably doesn't help. In fact, if she gets four Yes today, I bet she'll be safe up to the semi-finals at least."

I sighed and twirled a strand of my hair around my finger.

"I feel like I'm passing my exams for my degree again…"

My mother took me in her arms. I could smell her perfume, which reassured me a little:

"You know that whatever happens, we're proud of you."

"Yeah, but it would be better if we hadn't come for nothing!"

"It's not for nothing, just relax. And remember: if you're having fun, so will they, watching you."

I smiled and hugged her back:

"Let's do it, then."

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

"Hey Lola, if you don't get selected, can you ask them for autographs?"

"Anna!"

"What?" My sister asked like and looked at us with her big round eyes.

_"She knows her family and friends are behind her. She's been working so hard… though she also needed a good kick in the butt to be here. That's how shy she is."_

_"That's not true!"_

_"Yes, it is! But get ready, folks, because my bff's the best!" _

This time, they called my number for sure -I looked at my sticker so many times I knew it by heart now. When I went through the big doors, a short man with headphones guided me through a corridor up to the sluice room, where he told me to wait for a couple minutes and that I could prepare myself a little more if I wanted to.

Though I told the interviewer that I didn't watch DSDS often, I was still aware that there were cameras in the sluice, so you could see the candidates warm up, vocalize or even change before the audition. I also knew that the judges were watching me at this very moment -what the hell was the point of that anyway? The room had a mirror on the wall with several products placed on a small white table: make-up, chewing gums, hairspray, tissues…

I rehearsed a little then took a mint-flavored gum and discreetly counted the cameras: there were two of them, one above the mirror, and one in the back. I checked in the mirror to see if my outfit was okay: a simple black sweater with jeans and boots underneath. My straight long hair was set in a bun with locks falling nicely on each side of my temples. Thank god I remembered to wash it this morning. I also chose to be honest and not to put a lot of make-up on; I wasn't there for a date, and neither were they. I finally took a deep breath and looked up at one of the cameras, joining my hands in prayer:

_"I trust you guys!"_ I mouthed, pretending to beg.

Another man went in and accompanied me to the show room. There the four of them were waiting for the next candidate: Dieter Bohlen, Bill and Tom Kaulitz, and Mateo. I was so excited I nearly ran down the stairs to the star that was drawn on the floor in front of them, which nearly surprised them, I guess.

"Hello!"

"My, my, you sure seem in a hurry to start." The great and magnificent Dieter said and smiled.

"Who are you?" Bill Kaulitz asked.

Oh, you got to be kidding me. There was just no way I would take any judgment from his mouth seriously with this outfit on. Seriously, who dresses like that in 2013 -as a man nonetheless? A long-haired black and white fur jacket with short sleeves, piercings hiding half of the face and… Oh God, that hair… Had I been in front of my TV, I would have just laughed my ass off. The thing is that I wasn't. There I was, at DSDS, barely 2 meters away from him. What the hell? He had his skull shaved on the sides, his hair dyed in platinum blonde and had it vertically straightened with gel, which made it fall in a weird pattern on the top of his head. He looked… He just looked… I just couldn't look at him without staring at the whole ensemble awkwardly. So I focused all I could on his eyes only and repeated my little speech:

"My name is Lola Klein, I'm 18 and I've been studying at the conservatoire for 2 years."

"How much does it take of your time?" Dieter asked.

"I study on mornings from 9 to 1 pm."

"And what do you do in the afternoon?"

"I'm a cleaning-lady in a factory from 2 to 7 in the week and 9 to 1 pm on Sundays."

"Holy shit, you work on Sundays?" Mateo replied.

"Um… Yes?" I hesitated –he was so shocked I felt like I said something wrong. "But it's okay! That's the price of independence. When life is hard; you just got to deal with it." I said and shrugged.

They all looked at me with a look of pity. Aw, how sweet of them.

"I like your accent. Are you… French?" Tom Kaulitz said to change the subject.

"Yes! My father is French and my mother is German. I'm sorry if I ever make you repeat. But I'll do anything not to make this happen!"

"It's funny how you look all determined and strong at one time, and the next minute, really sweet and ingenuous." Dieter declared, fascinated.

_Ingenuous _? Shit, I didn't know that word. I guess I made a weird face there because they all chuckled.

"Innocent, if you prefer." Dieter explained, smiling.

"Oh. Er, thanks…if that's a compliment!" I said and smiled back.

_There. You just said you wouldn't make this happen. Good job, moron,_ I told myself. However, they all seemed very amused by me so far.

"So, what are going to sing?"

"The songs I chose are "Milord" by Edith Piaf, and "Born to die" by Lana del Rey…"

"Okay, let's start with Edith Piaf." Dieter immediately answered.

There we were.

I slowly placed myself better on the blue star-print on the floor and took a deep breath. I had to launch everything on the first words, call out all the vibratos, as well as the emotions. After all, it was a joyful song, a party song of that time.

All cameras were on me; for the first time, the world was waiting for me and my voice only.

_"Allez venez, Milord,_

_Vous asseoir à ma table_

_Il fait si froid dehors_

_Ici, c'est confortable…"_

No hesitation. Joy. Fun. Power. When I stopped, they all looked very pleased, just as I hoped they would…

"Not bad. Not bad at all." The great Dieter said, smiling; which was very rare considering how hard to please he was. "Maybe it was a bit weak at times, but nothing to really complain."

"That was impressive." Mateo declared, which made the twins nod in agreement. "I never heard a voice like yours there and it's very refreshing to have someone like you, so young and yet so talented. _Très bien_!"

"_Merc_… Thank you ! " I said, smiling more and more.

But it was not over yet. If I had the kings on my side, I still had to convince the two princes to let me into the kingdom.

"Well… You sang loud enough, clear enough; you sang with passion, you have an interesting personality… It's definitely a Yes for me." Tom Kaulitz simply concluded.

Three Yes! Bill Kaulitz was the last one. It seemed like I technically wouldn't need his opinion to join in, but I still wanted to hear it, as a matter of principle.

"I… don't know what to say. You were impressive, indeed. You have talent, and you're modest. Maybe a bit too modest, actually. My guess is, if you get to stand a bit more for yourself, there'd be a chance you become something big very quickly." He concluded, smiling brightly.

I had to agree, his smile was pleasant. I wished I had pearly white teeth like his, instead of those light yellow ordinary ones of mine.

"Welcome in Recall and _à la prochaine_!" Mateo ended as Bill handed me the holy paper.

"Thank you! Thank you so much! _A la prochaine_!" I repeated as I went forward to take it and shake their hands.

When I turned around, I heard Bill call out to me.

"Is that a tattoo on the back of your neck?"

I turned again and touched my neck like I could catch it, which made them smile once more.

"Oh, that! Yes, it's a four-leaf clover. I had it for my 18th birthday… It was inspired by yours." I said, pointing at him.

"Mine?"

"Well… When I saw your tattoo, I thought it was a nice place for a first one…I have fans of your band in my family… Which reminds me, could you guys please give me an autograph? It's for my sister and friend and they'll kill me if I don't bring one for them both!"

They all signed the paper gladly, and I finally left, trying not to run in the stairs once again, though I felt like I had wings on my feet. I could hear them mumble some more, but it didn't matter anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm on the recall!" I yelled at Luce and took her in my arms as we did a little dance of joy. She was crying and laughing at the same time.

"I knew they could only like you. You were amazing!"

My mother was on the verge of tears too. I bet she had been calling half of my family-tree while I was down there.

"And thanks for making us sound like groupies." My sister said, trying as hard as she could to pout. Deep inside, I know she just couldn't believe I had talked about her to her idols.

When the cameras were off, she then came closer to me and whispered to my ear:

"I think he likes you."

I turned at her.

"Who?"

She looked at me, surprised:

"Bill, of course! Who else? ...He said he found you cute after you were gone."

"Ah." I said as I shortly remembered Mr. Cruella Deville's son down there. "Well, cool."

"Yeah, _cool_... Bill Kaulitz said my sister was cute!" Anna repeated and jumped up and down.

"Honey, we're not into one of your fan-fictions. Let's focus on the contest instead, shall we?" I said and rolled my eyes. "Because now, the serious stuff begins."

I must admit, though I'd never listened to Tokio Hotel, I thought he looked awesome when he was younger, like from 15 to 18. But now… That was just silly!

She had been telling the truth, though. A few days later, when they finally showed my turn on DSDS, I found out Bill did call me cute after I left. But so did the three others, so that was nothing special anyway.

I didn't like the way I acted in front of them, going all "ingenuous" and shy like a little girl. Plus the framing and editing accentuated it, as they put a soundtrack that made me sound like I was eight. Great. Luce screamed like a banshee with my sister when they heard Bill's last words.

"Girls, calm down!" I sighed and covered my ears.

"Oh my gosh, you have no idea of how millions of fangirls in the world are envying you now!"

My little sister had set Bill's autograph in a wooden frame above his bed. Of Luce and her, she was the most into that TH-fever: her whole room looked like a shrine dedicated to the four of the band; guess who especially.

"Ok, Anna, we got it. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. Now, could you help me find a song for the recall?" I said, taking a sheet and pen from my mom's desk on the other side of the room.

"Oh come on," Luce replied "don't tell me you're already focusing on next round! Enjoy your victory a little!"

"I am, but… No, I'm not. I can't. You girls know how I am when I'm stressed." I said and automatically twirled a strand of my hair around my finger. My best friend noticed and smirked:

"Well, so did they. And they found it cute and… ingenuous!"

"Shut up! I know I need to work on my vocabulary… I still hope they can take me seriously. I want to be an artist, not a fluffy mascot."

"I'd be glad to be Bill's fluffy mascot!" Anna chirped.

"Shut up, Anna."


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't need to choose a song on my own for the recall: it was a group recall, so I was picked in a group with three others: Julia, Martin and Oksana -who turned out to be the lady with the tall legs and the pink top from the casting.

"It's so great to be here." she said at the hotel room. "Dieter and Bill together, it rocks!"

"Oksana, come on, you're married!" Julia replied and laughed.

Oksana shrugged.

"So? If it's only in my head, I can think whatever the hell I want."

I just smiled at them both and kept unpacking my stuff for the night. Our last member, Martin, was quiet too. But I couldn't tell if it was from nervousness or just because he was as shy as me.

"Besides, Bill doesn't like me." Oksana replied.

"What makes you say that?" Julia asked.

"He said it off-screen. He said I was tasteless and had no style, and that I lack the thing that blasts away everything and touches people's heart and blah blah blah..."

"And what did other judges say?"

"About the same. Dieter even said I sounded like a robot when I sang. I don't give a crap, I have a nice voice and I'm self-confident enough. Besides, they still gave me their four Yes, so who cares about what they thought underneath?"

They both smiled, and Martin and I looked at each other: though we said nothing yet, we already knew there would two teams within the team.

When everything was set, we all sat on and around two of the four beds.

"So… Anybody had an idea about the choice for a song?" Oksana asked.

"I do! I thought about "Price Tag" from Jessie J." Julia proudly replied.

"Oh my god, I love this song! It's so cool!"

"And I even printed four copies of the song!" She added and took sheets out of her bag before handing them to us.

"You did it in advance? That's so sweet, you're amazing!"

"I know." Julia said and stuck out the tip of her tongue like a kitten.

"So guys," Oksana said and turned at us. "What do you think? I think Price Tag's the best we have!"

"Hum…" Martin hesitated. "Sure, why not? If everybody's okay with it, then it's fine by me. I can do it."

The beautiful blonde then turned to me, though she was barely hiding her joy of winning the discussion already.

"I… don't know." I admitted after a longue pause, which then made the two women freeze and made me twirl a strand of hair around my finger.

"Why not?" Julia bluntly asked.

"I'm not sure the song's good enough for me. I have a bad memory and she sings really fast. I don't think I can remember all the lyrics and sing it without mashing every word."

"Well… if you don't want that song, then give us your title. The audition is tomorrow in the afternoon, so we don't have much time to decide."

She was obviously trying to sound patient, but failed at it. Probably from the lack of practice.

"How about… "Apologize" from One Republic?"

The two girls looked at each other, which gave me the impression of a reversed mirror: they both had the same kind of taken-from-a-page-magazine perfection -clear skin, white teeth, doe eyes and thin long thighs- except one was blonde and the other one was chestnut-haired.

"I don't know… sounds a bit cliché, doesn't it?" Oksana said, looking embarrassed.

"Yeah, and the chorus… I'm afraid it's too high for me, honey, no matter how much you could low it. Did you take the lyrics with you?"

"…No, I didn't." I confessed. "Maybe we can try to find them on the internet? They have wifi and I have my computer in my suitcase."

"Wait, then we need to go ask the reception for the password. It's gonna take us some time and it's late… Martin, what do you think?"

We all looked at Martin, which suddenly seemed to wish he could turn invisible. He paused and looked at me with a sad face.

"I'm afraid it's too high for me too, I'm sorry..."

"Besides," Julia added, ""Price Tag" is a joyful song that gives you energy. "Apologize" sounds way too slow and watery for my taste."

"Agree. If we want them to remember us, we'd better have fun on stage."

I had no choice. They were three Yes against my No. I couldn't fight back. I bowed my face in defeat:

"Fine… I'll try my best, then."

"There you go, that's the spirit girl!" Julia said and kissed me on the cheek.

The next day, we had a meeting with our vocal-coach.

"Good morning, ladies!" She said with a bright smile in front of the cameras.

Martin coughed politely and the two others giggled.

"I'm a boy." He calmly replied; though he was obese, poor guy sure had delicate features and a strange style of clothes for a boy, with his long-sleeved wool vest and his pearl necklace. Even his voice sounded too high for his age, which was around 17, I guess.

"Oh, sorry! …You're Martin, right?" The coach said and put her hands in front of her mouth. "I don't know what I was thinking. Anyway, let's start, shall we?"

Martin smiled, willing to forget it, though it was easy to tell that it was not the first time he heard someone make that mistake.

We worked on the song for hours, with our sheet in hand. Then we tried without the sheet, which was 10 times harder for me. English definitely wasn't my favorite language:

"_Seems like everybody's got a price_

_I wonder how they sleep at night._

_When the tale comes second_

_And the truth comes first and..._

No! God dammit!"

The three others rolled their eyes and sighed. They shouldn't have had me start the song.

"Come on, Lola!" Oksana said, exasperated after four attempts where we didn't even go far enough to her part, so she hadn't sung once yet. "It's "_when the_ _tale comes first and the truth comes second_"! It's logical!"

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Well, stop being sorry, just focus!" She shouted.

Julia was glaring at me too. She obviously wanted to shout at me as well but couldn't because of the cameras.

"Everybody, calm down." The coach-vocal said and raised her arms to silence us. "Lola, it's okay. You have a beautiful singing voice and you seem to have learned to master its potential fast. Just try to open your mouth a bit more to articulate, that'll help you to catch up with the words."

I nodded and focused again.

"Remember," she added "the stress is all in your head. Just focus on a fixed point on an imaginary horizon in front of you, take a deep breath, and sing just for that point."

I nodded again and obeyed. I stared at a random spot in the air and the lyrics flawed more easily this time. When I finished my part, I saw the coach smile at me and I smiled at her back proudly. Martin almost had the same problem, but he quickly recovered. I was surprised to hear and see that Julia and Oksana did have problems with the English language too. But all their voices were more powerful than mine and they had fun with it. I just couldn't believe we used to be rivals and were now supposed to sing together as a _friendly, happy_ group in a few hours.

Back to the "sluice" for the four of us again. We all chose to dress in black, which was a pretty neutral color and chic enough at the same time. Martin had a black suit opened on a white shirt and had put gel in his hair, which made him look much more masculine. As for me, I had a simple black dress that stopped to the knees and black small-heeled opened shoes. Julia and Oksana were at their best: they put blood red lipstick, heavy make-up on their eyes and cheeks, big golden earrings (Julia's were star-shaped), strapless dresses that were shorter than mine and black stilettos. Julia even had a small hat with a thin that elegantly shadowed half of the face.

If one came into the sluice by mistake, he could have easily said that we weren't a team: I was backed on a corner of the small cabin, singing for myself, the two women were checking on their outfit and jokingly fighting for the mirror, while Martin was circling on the remaining space, staring at the floor with a sad face. Maybe he wasn't so at ease with the song as I thought he was either.

Finally the technician we were all waiting for -or rather fearing- came and opened the curtain so we could follow him to the second set. We all went out of the cabin and, when she was sure no camera would see us, Julia grabbed me by the arm and hissed at me:

"Don't fucking screw up!"

Seemed that I was wrong again; not only did Julia not forget about my failure, but she was also as nervous –if not more- than I was. I thought I also heard her tell Oksana that we may all have overestimated ourselves for the performance. Though I didn't like her at all, if a girl like her was starting to cringe, then we were all dead for sure.


	4. Chapter 4

Finally, we went on stage in front of the judges. I was glad to see that Bill had a decent appearance today. His hair was brought back on the top of his head with gel, he still had a dozen piercings all over his face and ears, a black leather jacket with spikes on the lapels, matched mittens and a leopard shirt underneath. I dare even say he looked pretty cool today.

"Hello girls! How are you ?" Dieter asked.

"We're all nervous." Oksana said as she was the first to get her microphone.

"Don't be. What are you gonna sing?"

""Price Tag" from Jessie J."

"Again?" We heard Mateo sigh.

Yep, he just said it. Take that, girls.

"So let's start!"

I felt my stomach sink in my shoes when the music started behind me and the intro seemed to last forever until I automatically brought the mike to my mouth:

"_Seems like everybody's got a price_

_I... la la la la la la…"_

I saw the judges stare at me in shock and I turned to look at the others, begging for help.

"Lola, what's wrong?" Bill said in his own mike as the music stopped.

I was suffocating with tears when I said with a strangled voice:

"I don't remember the lyrics."

"Do you have a text?" He asked.

"Right there." I pointed at my chair in the backstage.

"Can you take it?"

His question surprised me but I wasn't the only one. Dieter, standing next to him, angrily turned at him:

"You can't ask her to do that!"

"What, do you want her to go on with "_lalala_"? Then let her take her notes!"

The fact that he stood up to the great DSDS-God Dieter Bohlen with such a strong determined tone would have left me standing there, flabbergasted, if I hadn't been running for my notes during this time. Martin also left his spot to take his.

I took a deep breath and released the pressure on my chest. Unfortunately, the intro started again before I had the time to set an imaginary horizon. Even though I had my notes now, I still had to stare in front of me so the cameras would get my eyes. I raised my head again and they automatically set on the only fixed point they could find: Bill's own. The lyrics flawed perfectly, my part was done. Now it was Martin's turn. He also failed but the music didn't stop. Tom and Mateo looked at each other and laughed when he couldn't reach the highest note. Oksana remembered all her part, which was then ruined when she realized she was starting Julia's, who sang her lungs out. But even she gave up and poorly ended humming, with no notes to help her. It was a pure nightmare; we were just standing there or walking hesitantly from left to right like drunken sleepwalkers, hearing the judges' cruel, cruel sneers.

"It's just not working!" Tom said to Mateo, who frantically nodded.

Statement of the freaking century.

The silence that took place after the song ended couldn't be any heavier.

"Thank you, that'll do." Dieter finally said. "We'll see you later."

That was it. When I saw the three of my group walk off the set with their head bowed, I just couldn't stand it, as I remembered the guy I saw at the casting who was comforted by his girlfriend and in the same state as my friends were in this very moment.

"Wait!" I said. I hadn't moved an inch since Dieter plainly sent us backstage. "Maybe we can try once again with another song?"

The words _"What are you doing?"_ were on all faces when I said that. Even I had no idea what crossed through my mind. It was hope –or rather despair- of course, but it was stupid because I had still no copies of the lyrics of "Apologize" and I was the only one who knew the lyrics.

The poptitan Dieter stared at me, amused:

"You have another song?"

I looked at him, all hopeful:

"No. That won't be necessary."

These words sounded like lightning that opened the clear blue sky and struck me right through the roof of the studio. I slowly, coldly, wearily turned around and walked to join the others sitting on a white couch, all in tears and hugging friends or other candidates in front of the cameraman who just wouldn't leave them, no matter what happened.

Only later would I see -in front of my TV-set- what the four men were saying, remaining on the set alone that day.

"I think the French can sing." Tom said as they were debating.

"No." Dieter bluntly replied.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes, and it's a shame she cannot go through." Tom insisted.

"Cut it out, Tom. We all know you're saying that because of your brother."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"If it hadn't been for your stupid notes!" Julia yelled at me, her make-up barely ruined –thand god it was waterproof- but her eyes all red and her face contorted with painful sobs. "I can't believe I tried and worked my ass off so it would turn into shit and be channeled in the whole country! My parents will see that! My friends! My grandparents! Do you know what it means?"

"I'm sorry." was all I could say. "The song just wasn't for me. But maybe they'll reconsider…"

"Do you think?" She cut me short, hope showing in her tears-glistening eyes.

"Bill, this is a big mistake…" Dieter discouragingly replied.

But Bill ignored him as he talked to the staff who came on the set:

"I'd like to hear the French again. I really think she can do something good."

"I'm sorry, we need Mr. Bohlen's approval." One of the staff-member said.

Bill turned at him with a pleading look, which made Dieter sigh after a while:

"Alright. One more song. Bring them back. But I'm telling you," He said as he came closer to Bill when the cameramen went back to work: "If she goes through, I won't miss her when she disappoints me. I will show no mercy."

When our names were called, we were only half-expecting a miracle to happen and went all quiet when we were brought back onstage in front of the jury.

"Lola," Bill said and looked at me. "you can sing again."


	5. Chapter 5

I could sing again. I could not believe what I had just heard. A last chance was given to me. Me and only me.

"Can I say something?" Julia turned on her mike and replied: "I think it's totally unfair that she can sing again and we can't because I know I have a good voice and…"

"You almost failed on casting, and you totally did today." Dieter bluntly cut her short.

"Yeah, but so did she."

"True, but at least, she got the tune right." Tom said.

"I found the tune too!"

"No, you didn't." Tom insisted.

"Also, you didn't ask for a second chance, _she_ did." Mateo replied.

"And bravely so…" Dieter added.

"Yeah, but we all screwed up because of her in the first place! We couldn't practice enough because she kept on missing the…"

"Julia, that'll do." Bill said this time in a firm tone again. "You can't discuss the decisions of the jury."

The studio went silent. The atmosphere was so tense around us now one could have cut it with a knife. Bill was now glaring at her which –I must admit- was a little scary, even for me.

"No!" She suddenly shouted. "I can sing! I swear I can! Just a chorus, just one!"

She then started to sing something I didn't know, probably another song she had prepared just in case too. However, that still wasn't enough to impress the jury:

"Julia… Julia…" Mateo tried to call out to her.

But she wouldn't stop. She just couldn't stop anymore. The silence of the three other judges confused Oksana too who smiled and tightened her grip on her mike, now all hopeful too - except that their silence wasn't of admiration or politeness, it was of annoyance.

"...Thank you." Tom said. "Good bye now, the three of you."

I watched them all walk away from me –though I sincerely felt bad for Martin- feeling now like a lamb brought alone in front of four butchers.

"So Lola, what will you sing?" Bill asked.

""Apologize" from One Republic."

"Go ahead."

M-Y L-A-S-T C-H-A-N-C-E. The letters danced in front of my eyes when I heard the deep sad notes on the keyboard behind me. I thought of how empty the room felt for a second… Except for Bill's eyes. Once again, they were the only spot I would focus on. This song was about cold rage and pain, of fortitude within the resignation.

_"I'm holding on your rope_

_Got me ten feet off the ground_

_And I'm hearing what you say_

_But I just can't make a sound..._

_You tell me that you need me_

_Then you go and cut me down, but wait_

_You tell me that you're sorry_

_Didn't think I'd turn around and say…"_

That it's too late to apologize for being where I was. It's too late. It's too late to apologize for fighting for myself and show all these arrogant, ungrateful, merciless people who I really was.

I could see the jury in my peripheral vision, all quiet and focused. Bill was mouthing along with me, which would have made me smile if I were watching this from another point of view.

Only when I had no lyrics to sing anymore did I realize that I had closed my eyes. When I opened them again, they were all looking at me with the same blank expression, except Bill whose smile grew wider and wider. Finally, Dieter smiled at me too and I could at last relax.

"I guess the five of us know the verdict." He said. "What do you think, Lola?"

"I guess… I made it?" I hesitated.

"Lola," Bill said. "I'm so proud of you! You totally made it. I fought for you and I'm glad it was definitely worth it. Welcome back."

His eyes were shining with joy like a little boy's, finding his long lost treasure back.

"Now," He added. "you have to promise me that from now on, you will fight right up to the edge."

"Thank you! I will!" I replied, almost squeaking in the process.

I went to their table and took the badge Bill handed me. I felt like I had no choice but to shake his hand, which I did. I was surprised when the smile he gave me and the intense look of his chocolate brown eyes made me fight not to blush. It was very short but, for the first time in a long period, something else than fear was making my heart beat faster.

_"Flirting, aren't we?" Dieter was asking Bill with a mocking tone._

_"Come on, that's bullshit!" Bill replied with a big grin. _

_They then cut to another reply from Dieter, this time to one of the technicians: "He's just falling in love with one of the candidates."_

_"Bullshit…" Bill softly repeated and kept on smiling._

"Did you see the look on his face, the way he twitched his eyebrow?"

"Yeah, the trust-me-I'm-in-her-pants-by-the-end-of-the-month look. So sexy!"

"Luce, don't talk like that to my baby-sister!"

As I was picking more stuff to put in my suitcase for the second recall in the Caribbean, my oh-so-helping cousin and sister had turned my computer on and were now watching a hacked episode of my second audition on the internet.

"Lola, I'm 12. I've heard everything."

"Yeah, sure."

"Want me to illustrate?" Anna said and took a deep breath.

"No, that won't be necessary!" I interrupted her and sighed.

It wasn't like I cared anyway. I was so nervous I kept on checking the list and space in my suitcase for all the things I would need.

"I cannot believe Anna was right..." I heard my best friend mumble. "He's totally into you."

"Luce…" I said, curious at the tone she just had. "Are you… angry at this?"

"What? No, I'm fine."

I went to take a closer look at her face and she turned her head away from me:

"You're pouting. You _are_ angry at me!"

"No I'm not, dammit!"

"Still, better take care of your hands. That's the first thing he likes in girls, aside from the face." Anna said, her eyes still set on the screen and barely listening to what we were saying.

These words didn't make me angry. They turned me madder than ever. I dropped the towel and tube of sunscreen I was holding and sharply closed the computer, which made my little sister suddenly raise her head at me.

"What the hell?" She said.

I stood up and looked at them both:

"Girls… Girls! ... I'm on DSDS! The greatest singing contest of Germany! This is the biggest chance of my life to ever start a career as a professional singer and I don't want to ruin it! I barely made it to the second audition, and you girls are jealous because one of the cute judges may or may not have a crush on me? So I must _take care of my hands_? Oh, yeah! I'm totally gonna need that advice when I'm two weeks away from you! Thank you so much!"

I sat on the bed and took my head in my hands. I then felt a hand on my shoulder.

"You're right." That was my friend's voice. "We're not helping you. I'm not helping you; that's childish. I'm sorry. "

I wiped a tear that was about to come out and they both took me into a hug. We then finished packing and my mum called us for dinner. She had cooked my favorite dish: boeuf bourguignon, followed by her own recipe of chocolate mousse with shavings of orange. That night, I was glad I would at least leave them on a happy note.


	6. Chapter 6

The crusade to the island was wonderful. I was in my favorite bikini-suit, lying on a deckchair in the sunlight, all covered in sunscreen that smelled like vanilla and laughing with other people around my age or older who succeeded at the second audition as well. We all joyfully screamed something at the cameraman who was following us on the helicopter above our head, like we had been told to.

"I'm the king of the world!" Some guy shouted and another one laughed some more.

This was all fun.

Plus the landscape was beautiful: I never thought the color of the ocean would be as intense as it always was on postcards. It's like we were floating in a giant glass of Curacao. I sighed in content and closed my eyes to take a nap, when someone sat next to me and held out his hand.

"Hi! I'm Bojan."

I opened my eyes and saw a guy with strong shoulders, hazel eyes and a red cap grin at me.

"Hi." I said as I got up to reach his hand.

That's where I saw that he also had a Superman logo on his cap.

"What's your name?"

"Lola Klein."

"Well, nice to meet you Lola Klein." He said and shook my hand again. "How do you feel being here?"

"The same way as you do, I guess. Do you feel happy to be here?" I asked and smiled at him.

"Yup. Couldn't be any more excited!" He said and grinned again. "How did you end up here?"

"I sang "Milord" from Edith Piaf at the first audition, it was okay…"

"Yeah, I was trying to guess your nationality, because you have a nice accent. So you're French, right?"

"Yes." I nodded and smiled. And I sang "Price Tag" and "Apologize" at the second."

"Wow, you had two songs at the second audition?"

"Yeah, it's a bit complicated."

"I see… Problems with your group?"

"You have no idea... So how about you? What's _your_ story?"

"Hum… At the first audition, I played "Soul sister" from Train. I dedicated it to my dog, who died four weeks ago."

I awed at him, but he laughed.

"It's okay, don't be sad! Life is what it is, you just have to move on…"

"Yeah, but it's so horrible when your pet dies…"

"It's alright. She was very old. A 19-year-old Labrador; wherever she is now, I'm sure she's happy and young again. That's what I keep saying to myself all the time."

"That's a nice way of thinking. I think I should start it too."

"Of course you should! ... You're nervous?"

"… A little." I admitted. "I don't know what's ahead of us all. Of all the people I see, they could all become my rivals as well as my partners tomorrow. That anguishes me a little. I feel like I'm in a war or something."

"Don't be. It's all just a game after all. Just because you get a big price if you win doesn't mean you're gonna die if you lose!"

"My, my, I hope we'll only be in the same team because it's definitely gonna be painful if we become rivals!"

He laughed. This guy was a living sunshine all by himself. We then heard screams at the bow and went forth to see the bright green of palm trees, the golden-white beach and the next set of the third round of DSDS' tenth season getting closer and closer to us all.

Once the welcome speeches were over and the jury started picking teams, I almost jumped in the air with excitement when I heard my name followed by Bojan's. When I came closer to the jury's table and we both stood in front of the jury, I couldn't prevent myself from looking for Bill's eyes. He had them hidden behind huge tainted sunglasses but still smiled brightly at me. I wanted to smile back but found myself automatically lowering my eyes instead. What was wrong with me?

"Thank you and good luck, everybody!" Dieter finally said as we screamed back "Thank you!" altogether.

This time, the choice for a song was mine: "Good girls gone bad" by Cobra Starships. I proposed it to Bojan; he loved it. Plus Bojan was a guitar-player, so we could even train outside of the hotel at the beach if we wanted. The training was awesome and I felt no pressure at all with him by my side. We were just having fun, like we were at the karaoke. By the end of the evening, the whole song was –very well- executed and learned by heart by the both of us, so we clapped in our hands and went out to the bar to celebrate our mini-victory.

"Your voice is amazing!"

"Thank you!" Bojan said and sipped on his alcohol-free cocktail.

"No, really! Sounds a bit like Phil Collins'! I love it."

He laughed at it.

"I wish I was Phil Collins. Your voice is pretty cool too!"

"Thank…"

I slightly jumped when I felt my phone vibrate against my thigh. I took a quick look at the message I had received and sighed before putting it back in my pocket.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." I said and smirked, while turning the straw in my glass of mango-coconut juice.

"If you make that face, it's not nothing. Come on, tell me… I swear I won't repeat it! It's your boyfriend again, isn't it? That stupid jerk…"

I laughed.

"I don't have a boyfriend. It's worse. It's my little sister: she just told me to go with the lilac sarong to match with my bikini tomorrow."

"That's it? That doesn't sound annoying. That's even nice of her!"

"Yeah, but you don't know the whole story behind that."

He raised an eyebrow and listened patiently when I summed it all up to him. I didn't even know why I was saying that to him. He just looked like the kind of guy you could trust with no worries or afterthoughts.

"If they really annoy you with that, maybe it's true. Maybe he _is_ into you." He commented.

"Come on, don't start it too… I was starting to like you." I jokingly replied.

But he just shrugged at it.

"Who knows? Anything's possible… Do you like him?"

"What ?!" I surprisingly almost shrieked at it. "What the…? Who cares if I like him if nothing's gonna happen anyway?"

"Do you like him?" He repeated and smirked. "Come on, be honest with yourself."

I paused and started to twirl a strand of hair around my finger.

"… I don't know, maybe. I mean… Sure he's cute, he has a nice smile and a weird kind of style but he's nice enough. So... maybe I like him, yeah."

"If I were you, I'd try something there."

I was so taken aback by that answer my jaw dropped at it.

"I'm not dating one of the judges! Are you crazy?"

"Why not? He's cute, you're cute, you like each other and you're both single…"

"Yeah, but he's one of the judges, hello!" I carefully articulated every syllables.

"Hello! How are you?" He replied and mimicked me.

I wanted to laugh but instead tilted my head at him with an annoyed pout:

"…That would totally be wrong. I can't flirt with him while I'm in the contest! I'm sure there's a rule against it somewhere!"

"So what? Date him after the contest, then. Look, it's a win-win deal in every case: if you stay, you can keep on seeing him and wait for the time. If you lose, you can at least get to date him without being called a criminal, and if you win, you get him as a bonus!"

"Bojan! That's… I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because shut up! God, you're annoying when you want to!" I replied and laughed.

"You know what ? I think there's another reason behind it... I'm pretty sure the other reason you don't want to do it is because you're too shy."

"What? I'm not shy!"

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Alright! Alright!" I said and rolled my eyes. "Maybe I'm too shy for it. But I'm not gonna try anything on him so no-one cares! Can we now focus on tomorrow, please? Thank you."

We both smiled and toasted at the song again before changing the subject.


	7. Chapter 7

Though the vocal training had been easy, we were still rehearsing again a few minutes before the audition, just in case. I had chosen my blue bikini, the lilac sarong and a hibiscus-flower shaped pin in my chestnut hair.

We had a good feeling walking towards the jury's table on the beach with our mikes in hand and seeing them smile at us, especially the twins:

"Aren't they sweet…" Tom said.

"Yeah, they look so cute!" Bill added.

I couldn't prevent myself from giggling at what he said. Somebody please make me stop, was I turning crazy?

"So guys, get ready and good luck." Dieter said and the band started to play.

_"I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad _

_I know your type  
you're daddy's little girl  
Just take a bite  
Let me shake up your world…"_

For the first time since I was on the show, I didn't feel alone. I knew I could count on Bojan as well as he counted on me. His voice was incredible and he was a fun partner.

_"I know your type  
Boy, you're dangerous  
Yeah, you're that guy  
I'd be stupid to trust  
But just one night couldn't be so wrong  
You make me wanna lose control…"_

We playfully danced and sang together while looking in each other's eyes. He even set some flirty moves on me -which we both knew was all for fun. I ended the song in his arms -like it was planned- and we both turned our heads at the jury. My heart suddenly started to pound like hell again as we were catching our breath.

Tom was the first to start:

"Bojan, Lola… Bill and I are fans of you and you know that. I loved your performance. I think you're both great and I wish you good luck for the rest."

Bill was as enthusiastic as his brother. I was glad he also liked Bojan a lot:

"I want to see both go further in the competition. Lola, I think you're wonderful and it's my honest opinion."

These words sounded like music from heaven to my ears and I felt my brain fly away to the sound of it.

"With Tom and Bill by your side, you also got me." Mateo continued. "Bojan, you're an artist. And Lola, I think you're cute and have a unique personality."

Bojan's smile was wider than ever, along with mine. Oh the sweet taste of peace before the sky fell on our heads.

"I'd also find the performance very good…" The surnamed pop-titan slowly started "…with the sound turned off."

…What?

Even Bill turned his head at the cold critic. I didn't get it. I didn't feel like we hadn't found the tune right and we had all the lyrics…

"When you sing, Lola… I see an eight-year-old girl than got lost in a club. There was no feeling. And the singing had nothing to do with the song."

I felt my eyes widen at the statement and automatically looked at Bill who was doing the same with me. Despite the huge sunglasses, one could easily tell that he had been glaring at Dieter the whole time.

"Thank you, that'll be all." He said as we turned around and walked away in silence, feeling like an ice-cold shower after a warm bath.

We gave our mikes back to the staff and Bojan put his arms around my neck. I quickly took a last glance back over my shoulder at Bill, who was now staring at the table in front of him with a worried face. Though we knew he meant every critic, Dieter's warning was clear: just because I was the not-so-secret protégée of one of the new young judges didn't mean I was safe –which I actually never thought-: he was still the boss. He was the oldest, the most professional of them all and if we wanted me out – not only because he didn't trust my potential anymore but for the show's sake as well-, he could.

"I absolutely don't agree with Dieter, you were great." Bojan told me after our last interview.

"Thank you... You were still the best."

He grinned as usual and took out his cap to brush the sweat away from his hair. We still got a couple of hours before they split us again in other groups for the evening...

"…Wanna go get some ice-cream?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" I said and we both ran to the bar as fast as we could, laughing.

Though I was trying to think about something else, I was still trying to understand why my favorite judge was that pissed. Even hours after the event, I still had no answer. But there was no time to think about it now:

"Is your throat better, Emily?"

"No… I guess I'll have no choice now but to deal with it tonight."

"Does it hurt?"

"Like hell."

What if, in the end, I just didn't have what it takes?

I was amazed to find out that everybody knew Bill seemed to have "a thing" on me; some of them were pissed like Dieter, some of them found it cute and –thank god- some others didn't care. My group belonged to that side. Did I sound that much like a toddler?

"Claudia, what's wrong?"

"I can't find my shoes!"

"Well, find them! The show begins in an hour or so!"

"I know!"

Will I indeed end up trying to please more Bill than the rest of the jury?

"Lola, can you help me with the lyrics? I can't remember the last verse."

"I told you, it's just the same as the rest, except it goes:

_Here comes the rain again  
Falling on my head like a memory  
Falling on my head like a new emotion…_"

"Alright thanks."

Was it all just a big mistake?

I loved Eurythmics, Annie Lenox's voice was one of my top ten favorite. Plus her voice was so deep I had to lower mine to fit the melody, so I obviously wouldn't sound like a child anymore. I was glad Claudia had brought it up.

I couldn't lie on the interview. The hell if my family knew what I was thinking: I just didn't feel like I belonged in here anymore. The pressure was too big and I didn't know how long I would hold on, especially if it was supposed to get harder and harder -if not lasting for a whole lifetime in the end. But I had at least to fight for the people who did the same for me. Do it for the twins. Do it for Bill.

But I had the feeling this wouldn't be enough for tonight. Dieter was mad again but I wasn't the only one responsible.

"Girls, what's wrong with you?" He exclaimed. "This is DSDS, the sixth recall! And you," He said, pointing at Claudia, "come to perform with no shoes on. And you" he then pointed at Alice, "come out with your text in hand, like you were still practicing. Except you're now on air! People are watching you!"

Yes, they were. Our parents, brothers, sisters, cousins and friends were watching us at this very moment. Mine would see me fight up to the end. And if it wasn't enough… Well, let's hope it would be. Even Bill nodded in agreement, which made me feel sorry for the four of us.

""Here comes the rain again" by Eurythmics… Ok, good luck, girls." Dieter added in a grunt and made us start.

We tried as hard as we could. As a result: Claudia forgot a quarter of her part, Emily's voice was back but she also forgot her text, so only Alice and I did our best with our voices and memories intact. Once again, I sheltered in Bill's eyes who was looking at me too, but wasn't smiling anymore.

At the end of the performance, everybody –the jury, the audience, the four of us- agreed on one thing: it sucked. A lot. But most of all, all eyes were on Dieter who first looked at us, then looked at Bill, then sighed and talked to me with an annoyed look:

"…When I hear you singing, it's like a little mouse fighting for its life. There's nothing else I can say."

The sky cracked opened and lightning streaked the sky… except it wasn't a metaphor. The rain started to fall and everybody ran away from the set, looking for a place to stay dry. Oh the irony that the rain was now falling on my head like a tragedy, falling on my head like a new emotion, with no-one to talk to me like lovers do… This was the end.


	8. Chapter 8

The rain stopped as soon as we went back on air after the commercial-break. Everybody was nervous. And why wouldn't they? Most performances hadn't been perfect and, just like every time, nobody was safe: they could call one's name to dismiss him as well as to reward him. And so, the jury called a list of names, including –something I half-expected but still surprised me nonetheless- the four of my group: Alice… Emily… Claudia… and me, Lola, followed by three others from different teams.

Alice didn't cry when they dismissed her. She had longed for home anyway. Though Emily was ten years older than me, I saw her tremble next to me and wanted to take her hand and hold it tight as to reassure her. She screamed like a banshee when the jury said they would give her another chance, so we all kissed her and took her in our arms, her face red with tears of joy, gratitude and relief.

I could see the hesitation in the twins' eyes when my turn came. However, I was serene whatever the decision.

I couldn't tell if it had been decided by the production -in order to make a nice tearful scenario- or if he did it by himself when Bill spoke for the four of them:

"Lola… As you know, I'm officially in love with you."

I smiled at him. He then took a deep breath and broke eye-contact with me. Come on, Bill. Say it. Shoot.

"Unfortunately, you cannot stay."

Claudia took me in her strong arms. Kisses rained on my cheeks and forehead as I kept on staring at him, still smiling. He faintly smiled back at me, obviously sadder than I was. The others were sad too, but I'm sure they mainly felt sorry for Bill who lost his favorite mascot.

When tonight's session ended and we all went back to the hotel, Bojan met me at the entrance of the building and held me so tight in his arms I thought he would break my ribs.

"It's okay, Bojan." I said and rubbed his back. "I _had_ to go. If I hadn't, they would have given me a second chance like they did to Emily."

"This is so fucking unfair!"

"No it isn't. It had to be so."

He held me tight again, hiding his face in my neck. Above our heads, I could hear the sobs of other candidates who had been eliminated like me, interspersed with comforting words from their friends.

"I'm gonna miss you." Bojan said when we parted. I was glad he wasn't crying because I thought he wasn't the kind of guy who would cry easily in front of people.

"I'll miss you too. I wish you good luck for the rest. You deserve to go further. "

"Thanks, I wish you good luck too…for anything you'll do afterwards."

We both smiled and hugged again. We then exchanged numbers, mails and anything we could to keep in touch before we hugged on last time and I went to my room to pack my stuff. Only then, sitting in the dark of my hotel-room in my most expansive dress, I put my head in my hands and let the tears flood in full strength like I was waking up from a beautiful dream.

After a whole day of bus, boat, plane, train and so on, I was very tired when my mother and sister came to pick me up and welcomed me with hugs and kisses.

"How do you feel honey?" Mum said as she was driving us home.

"…Pretty sleepy, actually."

"Well, uncle Peter, aunt Joline and Luce are coming over to celebrate your return tonight. So you can get some rest this afternoon before the big party."

I lightly smiled at her and kept on watching the streets I knew scroll in front of me behind the window while my mind was finding back its marks. My name was Lola Klein, I was 18, I had been studying at the conservatoire for 2 years, I had failed at DSDS, one of the judges got a crush on me and I got one on him too even though I knew I would never see him again, and I was also a cleaning lady in a factory.

The party was nice and made me all warm and fuzzy inside. My family had always been my first fans and I was happy to know they had been watching me the whole time.

"We know you worked really hard, chérie." Joline told me in French and kissed me on the cheek. "And the fact you went so far on the show is already a big, big feat. We are very proud of you."

"Yeah, and I wish I would get this Dieter-jerk in front of me so I would give him a piece of my mind. Calling my niece a mouse, in front of the whole country!"

"Actually, just 5 million viewers, honey. We made a little research." She explained to me.

"Gee, what a difference, indeed. Thanks Joline." Peter replied and rolled his eyes.

"And you even have some fans!" Luce said and took my computer.

"What? No way!"

"I know! Look!" She excitedly said and opened the DSDS-webpage.

There she typed my name in the toolbar and opened a few pages with my sessions. A few comments were left by the viewers. I was amazed at how many of them did like my performances or just the way I had appeared to them. Some comments made me frown too. The twins sure have possessive fans... and an interesting vocabulary as such.

There was even a debate on the last show about whether Bill talked about me or my voice when he said he was in love with me. And people were voting.

"What do you think?" Luce said.

"Oh god, dear BFF, don't tell me you voted too!"

"I didn't, you imbecile! I mean, what do you think of that?"

"Honestly? I don't care about what these girls think; it's not my fault if Bill did what he did!"

"You're right. That's stupid."

We went quiet for a while and kept on reading for a while.

"So… did you plan something else, now that you're back?"

"I don't know. I guess I'll have to talk about it with mum later. So far, I just thought about going back to the factory and the conservatoire as soon as possible. We'll see what happens next."

She nodded and before we went back in the living-room to join the others, she asked:

"You know… Now that all of this is over… are you okay?"

There was no doubt she was mentioning my quasi-romance with the singer of Tokio Hotel. I shrugged:

"I'm fine. It's a waste it ended like this, but I guess I have to move on now."

"Does that mean we can watch tomorrow's episode of DSDS together?"

"Yeah, sure. Plus Bojan's still in the competition, so I have to support him!"

"You made friends with that guy? He sounds nice!"

"He is! He's in the coolest guy in the world, after Bill."

"I knew you would say that." Luce said, smiling.


	9. Chapter 9

Of all the things I had been expecting, I hadn't been expecting this.

"What is it with him?" Anna, who knew all Bill Kaulitz's mimics asked. "Is he crazy? They were fine!"

Luce and I agreed. Bojan and three other boys who had been singing "Play that funky music" were now being sharply criticized by him altogether. According to what I could understand, it was all about their accent.

_"If you had to sing in the United States or in front of English people in general, they wouldn't understand a word you sing."_ Bill sharply told them.

"Sure, like he was better than them." Anna replied to the TV with a smirk.

"I think his accent got better, now that the English versions of their songs are selling better in the United States than in Europe."

"I still prefer the German versions."

I shushed them both as I kept on listening to what he was saying. Why did he look so pissed-off? He loved Bojan and I don't think he ever had problems with any of the other boys. Was it because of the last show? Even Dieter had to calm him down, although he didn't seem to get along that much with him anymore.

_"You know, if we wanted a totally faithful version of all songs, we would just take the lyrics and let them read in front of the mike. Who cares if it doesn't sound like the original version? That's not the point of a cover!"_

The boys still ended on a good note, thanks to the three other judges. But Bill didn't calm down and kept on looking for things to blame in the next performances, even though they were small details.

I called Bojan later in the afternoon. We were both glad to hear each other's voice again. When I talked to him about Bill's behavior, he agreed:

"I know, he's freaking us out! It's like he's gone crazy! And there's nothing we can do about it, except waiting for it to stop on its own. I even heard someone saw him and Dieter outside of the hotel before the show. They were arguing. Some people think it's because Bill is tired of being considered as Dieter's puppet because he'd always agree with him."

"You mean, like a mascot?"

"Kind of… Lola? You're still there?"

"What ? Sorry, yes. I thought you were great. Never mind what he said. I got to go now, so I'll talk to you later."

"Alright, see you. Take care."

"You too. Bye."

I then hung off and started twirling a strand of hair around my finger, guilt nettling my mind like a thorn. I needed some fresh air. I took my coat and keys and opened the door of the entrance.

"I'm going for a walk. I'll be back in half an hour or so!"

My mother nodded and waved at me good-bye as I closed the door.

I felt relieved when I walked across the street and passed by a few familiar shops. Maybe a little shopping wouldn't hurt... That's what my sister would do anytime she was sad: she thought feeling pretty outside would always help the inside a little. It wouldn't help the inside of her wallet though, my mum would always reply. I looked at my reflection in one of the showcases and tried to smile at it when I saw a bunch of girls approach me from behind. I turned at them: they were five, with big black sunglasses that would hide half of their face and had their hair hidden under scarves.

"Are you Lola Klein?" One of them asked me in French.

"Yes. Why?"

No other word was said afterwards. She then punched me in the face so hard I heard the cheekbone crack. Two others grabbed me by the arms and hair and they kept punching me in the face, stomach and throat. When I hit the ground, they kicked me some more and finally left as I passed out on the sidewalk, half-drowning in the blood coming from my nose and mouth.

When I woke up at the hospital, my eyes were so swollen I could barely open them, my nostrils were plugged with cotton, my bottom-lip had been cut on the asphalt and I had bruises everywhere. Thank god they hadn't broken any bone. A nurse would regularly come to change my dressings and disinfect the wounds, which would burn like hell. But most of all, I had to be protected from the journalists who were trying to enter my room and take pictures of me; it required not only security agents but also doctors and both my mother and friend to let me get some rest in peace. I waited the end of the day before I accepted a couple of them in my room and tell my story. I also got some info from them -which my best friend later confirmed: the girls who attacked me fitted the description of a group of Tokio Hotel stalkers who would call themselves "the Afghans". They were all between 17 and 25 and had been following the band for almost a year now. Luce also showed me some pictures she'd recently found on the internet: there were their blogs with photoshopped pictures and drawings of me in obscene positions with Bill, calling me a slut, bitch, whore and so on. I was so shocked I wanted to cry but couldn't because of my black eyes. The police came too. But because I couldn't tell their names or how they looked like, it was hard to hope they would be arreststed soon.

The next day, my story was on all front-pages of tabloids in big shining pink letters, and a close-up on my broken face at its worse. My mom was working and my sister was at school so I was all alone in the apartment. But I was so scared to go out I stayed all day in my room, reading all the magazines my sister bought with a blank expression: I couldn't believe this thing, this monstrous thing was a human face -even less that it was mine. I couldn't believe these girls had found where I lived, travelled all the way from France to that small German town, just so they could beat the shit out of me and leave. That was scary and humiliating.

I jumped when I heard the phone ring. I slowly got up from my bed to the living-room and picked it up, ready to reassure another member of my family about my health. However, I was surprised when my interlocutor paused for a second before answering:

"… Hello, Lola. I didn't think I would get you on the phone straight away. It's Bill. How are you?"

I held my breath not to gasp; my heart started to pound like crazy.

"Better now, thanks."

"I heard about what happened... And I wanted to apologize..." He started in a sad tone.

"What for? You're not responsible for it."

"Yes, I am." He insisted. "Listen, tomorrow's show is reported because of a storm. Is it okay if I come to pay you a visit?"

I was flabbergasted and needed a small pause before starting again:

"…Are you serious? That's a very long travel from here to there!"

"I don't mind. Plus I'm a VIP, so I can travel faster than anyone else." He said with a smile in his voice.

"Yeah, I forgot money and fame gave you superpowers too..."

He laughed and my heart lightened up at the sound of it.

"So… do you know a place where we could meet?"

"Well…" I said and started to think at the speed of light, despite the fact everything was already going too fast for my brain. I didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet at my place because of the journalists, so we'd better go to a further place in town… I thought about the café called The Fairy Tale, which was on the other side of town. Plus it was one of the most expansive ones, so he wouldn't get a big change of scenery there. When I mentioned the place, I could hear a smile in his voice:

"Sounds like a nice place, indeed."

I gave him the address and we arranged for a time before he had to go and we both said goodbye.

He then hung off and I stood there, looking at the phone like this conversation hadn't been real... I hesitated between smiling and opening my eyes wide when the idea became clear to my mind: I was going to see Bill again, face-to-face and alone.

Wait… wasn't it technically a date then? I blushed at the thought and shook it out as I set the alarm on my phone for tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

I had never been in that café; I just knew it by reputation. I took as much cash as I could and promised myself to take the less expansive drink. I couldn't help but feel a little intimidated when I pushed the glass door and sit at a table in a far corner of the room, like he'd politely asked me to. I soon kept on checking on the door as well as the time on my phone. I thought I looked awful: I was ashamed of my hair, which I simply let loose on my shoulders and I thought I should have put a nicer sweater or more jewelry. Thank god I still had my favorite earrings and put some make-up on, I thought as I twirled a strand of hair around my finger.

My heart skipped a beat. There he was. Though he arrived with an ordinary grey jacket and a big black hat, I recognized him as soon as he pushed the door. He soon recognized me too and came towards me. His bodyguards were also there and sit quietly a few tables away from us. He sat down in front of me, smiling:

"Hi."

"Hi."

Both of us went silent. I realized I had no idea what to tell him. He didn't seem to be so at ease either, as he kept on turning the rings on his slender fingers.

"… I'm sorry." I declared with a nervous laugh. "I just can't realize you're there with me, especially after… all that."

"How are your injuries?" He bluntly asked me.

My smile disappeared and I brought my hands to my face as a reflex, though I couldn't feel the swellings anymore.

"Better." I replied in an undertone.

He seemed to have misinterpreted it and bowed his head, looking at his hands in silence. I couldn't tell if he looked more worried, guilty or mad, or all three at the same time.

"I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I'd understand if you're mad at me now…"

The waiter then arrived and we ordered. I couldn't wait for him to get away.

"I'm not." I replied when we were alone again. "I told you, it wasn't your fault."

"These girls are insane. And they're dangerous. I feel sorry that they hit you because of me."

"They're stalkers of your band, right?"

He nodded.

"They've been stalking us for years, now. It's not the first time Tom and I've been dealing with them. Tom even hit one of them in the face at a gas-station one night. As a result, they sued us and they won."

He clenched his fists and his voice went weaker, like he was suddenly more talking to himself than to me:

"Sometimes I wish people would just leave us alone. It's true that fame brings you wonders you'd never dream of, but it's also very hard: you don't know who likes you because of who you are or because of what you seem to be. You can hear horrible, wrong things about you as well as exaggerated compliments like you were God in disguise. But I'm not. I'm absolutely not. I just..."

I waited for him to finish his sentence, but he never did. The waiter brought us our drinks, this time so discreetly I didn't hear him come and go. My eyes were fixed on Bill. For the first time, I wasn't comparing him to the portrait my sister and best friend had of the singer of Tokio Hotel. I just saw a 23-year-old lonely young man whose hand I wanted to hold in mine but wouldn't. He must've have been embarrassed to have said that out of nowhere as he took a sip on his cup, but then grimaced:

"That guy gave me tea instead of coffee. Great..."

"Wait," I said before he called the waiter. "here, take mine. I'm not in the mood for coffee anyway."

He smiled and thanked me after we traded. His blueberry tea wasn't that bad.

I drank a little more and slowly swallowed before finally asking the question I had in mind:

"So… you _did_ have feelings for me, huh?"

He looked at me with surprise and I tried not to turn my eyes away from his. He smirked:

"And here I thought I was the only one trying to ignore the elephant in the room…"

"When the journalists asked, I told them the only thing between you and me was music. It's not like it was any of their business anyway, but I wasn't sure myself…"

He sighed.

"I _was_ in love with you. I tried to deny it as much as possible, and I failed. End of the story."

He looked more embarrassed now, but I didn't want to stop there. I simply couldn't. So I went on with another question:

"…So I guess Dieter wasn't so happy about it, was he?"

"He wasn't." Bill replied and shrugged. "I don't care. I admit I wasn't totally objective, but Tom and I _did_ think –and still do- that your voice is exceptional."

"Thank you."

"And I also had no choice. We had very few time to choose people and…"

He was suddenly talking fast like he was trying to justify himself. I stopped him with a simple gesture of the hand and smiled:

"I'm not mad, Bill, if that's what you're wondering."

We went quiet again, before I took another sip and sighed:

"…It's not like nothing happened anyway. I learned a lot on DSDS and I had a fun time with all of you, guys. I heard I even got some fans in the meantime." I said and smiled at it. "…I made a few mistakes and got kicked out, that's it. But I'm not gonna stop there. I'll fight and try again, somewhere else… It just can't be the end. Anyone who knows me knows that I won't stop fighting until someone dies."

These words reminded me when I left school to go to my first year at the conservatoire, the first time I got a job to finance it and spared money to get an apartment and so on, feeling the fire of ambition running through my veins again with those simple words… unless it was another kind of fire. The stare and smile Bill gave me suddenly made me feel ill-at-ease, as they were the ones intensifying the heat now. The truth was that the more he would smile at me, the more I would feel myself falling for this weird guy Luce and Anna were fans of.

"You know," I said to change the subject and prevent the blood from rising to my cheeks, "I never found the time to tell you that, but I love your tattoos."

His smile broadened. My god, how did he manage to get such white teeth?

"Thank you! Tom and I have the same on our fingers."

"Yeah, I saw that ! What is it? What does it represent?"

"16:30; it's the time Tom and I were born."

"Nice! And the hand?" I said pointing at his skeleton hand.

"Well…" He said, raising it at the height of his face. "I guess I just liked the pattern. I drew it myself."

"Let me see…" I said, getting closer. "I didn't see the bird between the bones before! That's cute!"

He put his hand between us and I turned it in mine, looking for more secret pictures. I also found a flower at the bottom of his wrist. I couldn't help looking at his delicate pale fingers, with their silver rings and shiny black nails.

"It's not fair." I said and smirked. "Your hands are more feminine than mine. I wish I had yours."

"Don't be too harsh. Yours are fine too."

I kept on smirking and shook my head. Bill tried to take one of my hands but I winced in pain with a simple brush and withdrew them.

"Sorry…" I said. "I have wounds on the tips of my fingers. They are really sensitive."

"Really? Show me." He ordered.

I hesitated, but then reluctantly brought them back on the table and let Bill's hands touch them.

"They are ugly." I mumbled, disgusted by the roughness of my skin against the silk of Bill's. "The palms are callous because of my work. Water dries the skin. And my fingers are burned because of the chemicals in the products. I cannot even put dressings on them because they get lost in the dirty water."

"Don't you have gloves? Or a hand cream?"

I shrugged.

"My hands are too small for the gloves they gave me. And I know I should use some cream but I always forget to buy it. So it ends up as dry as parchment."

I couldn't look at my hands. I was so ashamed I tried to take them off the table, but Bill didn't let go of them. I stood still and stared at him like I was watching the scene from behind a screen as he brought these hands -like they weren't mine- to his face and gave them a long kiss with his eyes closed.

"You're beautiful." He stated and gave them a light squeeze. "And you have talent, a lot. Promise me you'll never forget any of those things."

"I… promise."

I had almost tears in my eyes when my finished my tea and replied, looking into his chocolate brown eyes:

"…You're sweet. And you're strong. I think I'd love to be like you some day."

"Don't say that." He answered and chuckled. "There are sides in me you really wouldn't like to have."

"I know." I said. "I know, for example, that I'm not 100% jealous of your style... Don't get me wrong, you always have great outfits." I immediately replied. "But the first time I saw you, I swear you appeared to me like a parrakeet that got lost in Dita Von Teese's wardrobe."

At first, I thought he would be upset by what I said –which he obviously was for a micro-second- but we then both looked at each other and suddenly burst out laughing.

"No doubt I never met anybody like you before." He said, still laughing.

"I can say the same about you for sure." I replied.

I didn't notice how late it was until I took a glance at the outside by the window and saw it was already night-time.

The four of us –me, Bill and his bodyguards- finally paid and left. I accepted his offer to drive me home but, long after we'd arrived at my address and we'd both come out of the car, we both stood at my door, hesitant.

"I don't think you should stay here." I said in an undertone.

His car wasn't a limo of course, but it was still unusually classy enough to be noticed in my neighborhood.

"If some journalists are still around, they'll know you came here for me."

"Don't I have the right to accompany a friend home?" He asked and paused. "…We can be friends, right?"

"Yes, of course…"

"I'd be glad to see you again, maybe some other time."

"Sure… But I don't know when we'll meet again."

I twirled a strand of hair around my finger, and he smiled:

"We'll find a way, don't worry. I'll tell you when I have spare-time, and you'll do the same, so we'll keep in touch."

"Ok…"

He tilted his head on the side.

"You don't sound so happy with it."

"I am!" I spontaneously replied. "I just… I still can't realize this is all happening for real."

He smiled. His eyes were shining in the dark like those of a cat.

"Me neither."

We both paused, just smiling.

"I think your chauffeur's falling asleep, which means I really have to go now. So… see you later, I guess?"

He nodded.

"Yes. See you later."

We both hugged, and I sighed at how good I felt in his arms, with the scent of his Cologne coming from his neck. We then parted and I felt our cheeks brush in the process. He looked at me, closer than he had even been so far, and I realized his stare had totally paralyzed me. _Should I…? It's too soon… But it's so tempting… No! Come on, get on with it! _I felt my thoughts buzzing like a cloud of insects invading my skull with no place left for the brain.

"I…" I said, struggling to make an understandable sentence. "I go now. Bye." I said as I opened the door and went in.

My face was burning so much I wouldn't be surprised if it had actually been glowing in the dark. I waited to hear him start and go, but he himself wouldn't move until I closed the glass door of the building and turned at the corner of the entrance. When I thought he couldn't see me, I turned around to watch his car disappear with a fading roaring sound.

_Bill… What have we done tonight ?_ I thought.

It was so late I knew my mother was going to kill me.


	11. Chapter 11

I was back at the conservatoire -and the factory- a couple of days later. I had forgotten how hard it was to handle such a narrow timetable; I was so busy with them both that I wasn't expecting anything special when my mother called me from the kitchen.

"I just checked my mail. There's a letter for you."

"What's with the grin?" I asked her.

"Just take it."

She handed me an envelope with my name on it and I froze when I saw the one at the back.

"What is it?" Anna said when she walked in.

"Nothing." I said and hid the letter behind the usual pile of flyers on the table.

"Bill Kaulitz wrote her a letter."

"Mum!" I yelped and she winked at me.

"He did?" Anna shrieked. "Let me see!" She said and started to jump to reach it.

"No way, it's mine!" I said and raised my arm higher in the air.

"Oh come on, it's a letter from Bill Kaulitz!"

"I said no, back off! It's personal!"

"Can I at least keep the envelope?"

I heavily sighed.

"Alright keep it, you little psycho. Just don't turn into an Afghan, or I'll kill you."

"Lola, don't you talk like that to your sister!"

"What?"

"I don't get it, what did she say?" Anna asked, too excited to hear properly.

But I didn't answer and just went back to my room to read in peace. Bill was right: my sister was acting more like a priestess than someone who just liked music.

It was weird to get a letter in 2013… He probably thought it was more romantic, which it was. I started to read, and my face went through several changes as I followed the sentences. It was a short letter but he was good with words; so good it almost sounded like music to my ears. I was still smiling at diner, which both my mother and sister noticed:

"So… guess he gave you bad news then?" My mother said and smirked.

Anna remained mute, obviously upset. I chose to ignore her as I answered:

"Yup, terrible news. I'm just devastated."

"Good..." She said and started to fill our plates. "Say… That's funny but it reminds of your last boyfriend. Do you remember him?"

I sighed with annoyance.

"Thanks for the memories…I _do_ remember Nicolas. How wouldn't I?"

"I remember you would both correspond a lot during… what was the name of that exchange-program again?"

"The Voltaire-program."

"Six months in Germany for you, and six months in France for the Germans." My sister repeated by heart.

It was back when I'd still live in France. Nicolas wasn't in my German class so he would stay in France while I was studying in Frankfort. And because the international calls were too expensive, we would write each other letters for months. Mum, Anna and I didn't need to talk about it out loud but we all remembered how hard it had been for me to recover from the pain and sorrow. Turns out that bastard would miss me "so" much he ended up cheating on me and we broke up, still in letters. When I came back in France, I was alone.

"He said he couldn't wait anymore and that he wouldn't have done that if I had stayed in France." I murmured.

My mother stood up from her chair and sit next to me to hold mer:

"Honey, you were 16. I always thought that boy was a jerk, no matter how much you loved him. You had the right to do whatever you wanted and take a chance with something new."

I agreed with my mum: this experience made me discover a new culture and got me good grades at the end of the year. I just couldn't miss such an opportunity.

"But still… Nicolas and I were so close before I left for Germany… He was everything to me. I thought he was the love of my life."

Tears fell down on my cheeks and my mother softly hushed and cradled me.

"I don't want it to happen again." I said, sobbing. "I don't want Bill to get tired of never seeing me."

"Don't say that, sweetie. It's only your first letter!"

"But he's very busy, and so am I! What if we never find the time to see each other again?"

"Just wait. You don't know what's gonna happen. I'm sorry. Let's just forget about Nicolas, and Bill. Everything's okay, sugar."

"Wanna go watch DSDS with me afterwards?" Anna asked me as she finally decided to talk again.

"Sure." I said and wiped the tears from my face.

The candidates were even less than the last time. Thank God Bojan was still in the competition, grinning more often than ever. The judges showed no mercy, s always. But Bill seemed to have reconciled with him and said nothing about his lame accent.

It took me the whole day to think about a decision for an answer, which was taken by the evening. I answered him to the address he gave me because he didn't give me his number –which he probably did on purpose, so I had no choice but to answer with another letter. I tried to be as honest as I could: I said I had doubts, and that if I had to listen to my brain, it would probably be better for the both of us not to start something we couldn't handle.

_But my heart isn't thinking the same…_ I started to write, then erased, then wrote back, then erased again. My hand hesitated and trembled when I threw it in the mailbox. Even to the last minute, I wasn't satisfied. But it was too late to go back.

Bill answered back about a week later. This time, his answer was longer and full of German expressions I could not understand, even with a dictionary. All I could get was that he wasn't disappointed or giving up on me. I sent him another vague letter, but he answered the same, then I did it again, so did he, and so on…

Our exchange lasted for weeks. It's like we were having a contest on who would be the most stubborn. It wouldn't matter if I told him not to answer because he always would, just like I would answer him not to answer again. Neither of us would give up, like a perpetual game of epistolary ping-pong. His stubbornness was both a gift and a trap to me because it would make me excited and anguished for his answer all the time.

One day, my phone rang during a break between my courses at the conservatoire. I ran outside to answer my phone though we had only 5 minutes left before we started again:

"Hello?"

"Lola, it's me."

It wasn't Bill's voice, but I still recognized it.

"Bojan, hi! How are you?"

"…Not so well." He answered sadly, which made me pause.

"...What's wrong?"

"Well… Let's say that there's no need to look for me on the show anymore."

"Oh god…" I said but then saw my teacher wave at me with impatience. "I'm sorry Bojan, I have to hang off now. But I'll call you later this afternoon and we'll set a date so I can see you, alright? Just wait for my call, don't turn off your phone!"

He confirmed and I then hung off to join the rest of my class. We later arranged on the time and place: thank god his town wasn't so far from mine by train.

We met the next day at a bar he knew, which turned out to be his favorite. I'd also thought about buying him a new cap with Super-girl on it. He smiled when he saw it:

"You can keep it. We'll make a team together."

"Yeah, the Super-losers Team!" He replied and high-fived with me.

"My, my… I hate to see you like this."

"I know. That's what Bill told me too."

He went silent and I looked at him closer from underneath.

"Have you been crying?"

"No… Yes."

He started to cry again and hid his face in his hands, tears rolling between his fingers. It was so sad to see the happiest boy in the world crying out loud, I started to cry too and we fell in each other's arms, hugging each other and crying our eyes out.

The tears where soon replaced with laughter after a few pints. We had been drinking and toasting for anything: to success, to failure, to love, to friendship, to the whole fucking universe… We had also traded our caps, as he was now wearing the one with Super-girl, and I had the one with Superman. It was good to see him laugh again, although I was now giggling for anything too.

"You know," He said, his face now red with hilarity. "the first I saw you, I had kind of a crush on you."

"You did?" I replied and awed at it.

"Yeah, but I saw you weren't interested. And you kept talking about Bill, on and on again… So, I thought "_Nah, she'll be happier with him_". You know," He repeated with a more serious tone. "I think that's the real reason why I was eliminated."

"What?" I said and paled. "You don't say…"

He frantically nodded before I could finish.

"Yes. I was there. He showed me no mercy."

"But he likes you so much!"

"I know, but let me explain. I saw him the night you had to go, while I was talking to you. We both hugged and you couldn't see it, but he passed in front of us without saying nothing. He was shaking with rage! I'm sure he was just dead-jealous of me because I was your friend and he wasn't…"

I cried again like a little girl, feeling the alcohol multiplying the intensity of my emotion by a billion.

"This is all my fault!" I shouted. "You got kicked out because of me! I'm so sorry!"

"No, don't cry! I was kidding!" He screamed back at me, laughing at the same time. "It wasn't because of you! Bill's not mad at me, he even defended me! Do you hear me? I'm talking to you!"

"Not so loud, kids, or I'm kicking you out!" The bartender yelled at us.

We apologized and I calmed down. Bojan went by my side and took me in his arms

"I'm sorry you were eliminated, whether it's my fault or not…" I said and hugged him back.

"It's not. It's definitely not."

"…Do you have a plan B?"

"Of course I do. And I have my friends there to support me too. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"I hope so."

He smiled and kissed me on the forehead:

"I don't know what you planned to do with Bill, but he's definitely a dumbass if he doesn't want to be with you."


	12. Chapter 12

When I came back, I realized I still had Bojan's Superman cap. So I hung it to the doorknob of my room and thought to myself that I had to give it back to him.

He had been eliminated during the last turn before the finals that would take place in Germany. Which means everybody would be back soon and there would be a party the night of their return. Bill wrote me he would miss it just to see me. I had to give him a quick answer, so I checked on my agenda as soon as I could and sighed with relief when I saw it would be a Sunday. It meant I would be free after work in the morning, but also that I couldn't take him anywhere else but to my place. That thought made me panic again.

The day came fast. I had told my mother and my sister I would throw a party with some friends –which was quite rare and surprised them- and had sent them away to pay a visit to Peter and Joline.

Every room was clean except my sister's, where I decided not to take him so he wouldn't freak out. I heard a car honk under my window: there he was, waving at me like we've known each other for years.

His bodyguards left us as I closed the door behind the both of us. We both remembered the doubts I'd showed in my letters, just like we both knew that I wanted to talk about it. But none of us was brave –or stupid- enough to mention it when I made him visit the house.

"I know that cap," He said as we turned to the door of my room to go out. "That's Bojan's! What is it doing here?"

"I paid him a visit yesterday and I bought him another cap. But we accidentally traded them so I'm keeping it until I find the time to give it back to him." I answered, surprised at how vivid he'd suddenly sounded.

He nodded and sighed:

"I hate when I have to dismiss guys like him on the show…"

"I'm sure you do." I said and placed a comforting hand on his back.

In spite of my efforts to make him forget about it, he noticed that I wouldn't let us in Anna's bedroom:

"Can I see my best fan's room too?" He said and raised an eyebrow with his arms crossed.

I hesitated, but he nagged me so much I finally rolled my eyes after ten minutes and opened it:

"Say what you want," I said and smirked. "you still love being considered as a god, don't you?"

"Maybe a little…" He maliciously replied. "Feels good for the ego from time to time."

I never fully realized how crazy my sister was until that day: all four walls of her room were covered with posters of Tokio Hotel, with no single square centimeter spared. A part of her closet was filled with clothes with their logo on, and she also had all DVDs and CDs displayed on a shelf next to Bill's autograph and a portrait she had done of him with a pencil, which was actually pretty well executed.

"As you can see, she knows everything about you." I said, a little embarrassed.

"And you don't?"

"How could I? There was a time she was so obsessed with your band I did everything to avoid it! Every time she'd put her music on, I'd put my headphones and listen to _anything_ else."

"…So you don't know any of our songs?" He asked, genuinely surprised.

"No, I don't know any."

Though he was smiling, he looked disappointed. He then took me by the hand and, as I was still standing outside, made me enter in the forbidden sanctuary.

"Come on, you have years to catch on…"

He sat me on the bed, took all CDs from the shelf and put them next to me.

"God, she even has CDs of us as Devilish…" He said with admiration in his voice. "So, which one do you want to start with?"

"Are you serious? ...I don't know. The first one, maybe?"

He looked slightly embarrassed.

"...Do you mind if we start with another one? I'm not very proud of my first songs, I was 12…"

"Wait, wait, wait... You've been singing since you were 12? That means you'll soon have spent as much years on stage as an ordinary boy!"

"Yeah... Wow, now that you're mentioning it, I must admit that's pretty scary!" He said and we both laughed.

We listened to a few songs together for hours, sometimes a whole album non-stop. I was amazed at how different and passionate he sounded with every lyric, even when he was very young… That's where I understood why he was so famous. The fact he and his brother had nice faces wasn't everything –though it probably was a major factor to the novices- he'd also talk about emotions we teenagers were obsessed with: frustration, isolation, anger, sadness, jealousy, the fear of growing old… and all the consequences those feelings had on ourselves and on the others. Bill Kaulitz was a teenage-girl trapped in a mannequin's body. He was the perfect man. He laughed when I explained that out-loud.

"I don't know... I'm not suicidal and I never did drugs. There were times I just wrote about things I heard or letters I received from our fans: I tried to imagine what they wanted to hear from people and I wanted them to know that they weren't alone if they wanted to."

I could not imagine he was the same guy with those giant tainted sunglasses I saw on the beach listing all those harsh critics in front of strangers who were sometimes older than him. On the other hand, I was flattered he was the same writer who had been corresponding with me and been so patient with my changing mood for such a long time.

"Wanna hear another one?" He asked.

"Are you kidding? Of course, I do! Your songs are awesome!"

"I'm glad to hear that from you." He said with a grin.

"Now, let's try… that one. I don't know what the word means, so I'm curious."

"I don't know the French word. I know the Americans call it _Infinity_."

"Cool."

He sat next to me on the bed and we let the first notes of the intro slowly rise from the speakers and up to our ears, like the wings of invisible angels.

_"Die Wärme trägt uns bis in die Unendlichkeit  
Alles treibt an uns vorbei  
im Mondlicht sind nur noch wir zwei_

_Die Unendlichkeit ist nicht mehr weit_  
_die Unendlichkeit ist jetzt nicht mehr weit_"

The heat's carrying us to the infinity. Everything's guiding us towards it. There's just the two of us in the moonlight. The infinity's not so far away. Now the infinity's not so far away…

15-year-old Bill Kaulitz's ghostly voice floated above our heads and I closed my eyes to let my mind drown in the lyrics. I've known -and knew- no 15-year-old who would say such a thing to anyone.

"Lola! What's wrong?" I heard Bill's worried voice ask and felt his hand on my shoulder.

I opened my eyes again and realized I was shaking.

"You're crying."

"Sorry…" I said and sniffed. "I guess I just… love it too much; silly oversensitive me."

I tried to smile and say something sarcastic but realize I couldn't and froze.

Bill was kissing me.

My eyes opened wide then closed again to enjoy the sensation of Bill's soft lips on mine. I also felt the piercings on the corners of his mouth: though I thought they would be cold, they were as warm as his skin. A cold feeling of emptiness invaded my mouth when we parted. He cupped my face; his cheeks were now colored with a slight shade of pink:

"Please…" He murmured, very close to my lips. "Please give me a chance. I wanna see you again, we can work it out. The more I think about you, the more I tell myself you're everything I need in my life. Please…"

He had me. I was so entranced by his voice, his eyes, his hands, his spirit… he could have asked me anything, I would have done it with no hesitation. I had no choice but to give him what he was asking for: a chance. So I did, and got a smile followed by another kiss as a reward. I closed my eyes for the second time, except that I could now control my hands again and slid them in his hair to deepen the kiss. He must've liked it because he then surrounded me with his arms to press my chest against his. His tongue slowly snaked between my lips, which made me shiver. Soon enough our tongues were playing with one another and I let mine dance across the small iron bumps of his tongue-ring.

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I could do that day: as we knew the outside was the enemy, we both long hesitated at the open entrance before parting from each other's arms.

"I'm gonna miss you." I said, internally proud to assume saying that out-loud to him.

"I'll miss you too." He said and kissed me on the tip of the nose, like one would to a kitten.

Even when his car started, we were still both waving goodbye at one another. The image of him smiling to me in the windshield of his black car printed itself on my retina until very late that evening.

"What's wrong with her? Lola… Earth to Lola? Come on, Lola, at least try to keep your plate horizontal!" I vaguely heard my mother complain.

"I bet it's just because she got another letter from a certain Mister K today." My jealous little sister replied and sneered.

_Dear Anna, dear lovely, sweet, adorable Anna... Had I known you didn't have such bad tastes in music after all, I guess I would have longtime shared the same passion you and Luce have in common,_ I thought to myself and kissed Anna on the ear, not caring a single moment that she wouldn't understand the motif behind it.


	13. Chapter 13

Working at the factory was hard as hell, especially since I was all alone to clean all the machines, floors and instruments in less than five hours. I also had to be careful not to dirty my uniform with all the dust and oil from the machines and finally watch out for the wounds on my fingers not to get infected. Plus my boss didn't like my singing -he knew I would start to sing as soon as I thought I was alone; he thought I was doing so to show him that I had too little work to deal with, when I was actually trying to _forget_ about all the efforts this stupid job required. At least I was well paid.

But I couldn't care less about it now: I knew Bill's letters were waiting for me at home, either from the mailbox or in the drawers of my desk to be read again.

Also, I had recently auditioned for a musical that would soon take place in town, so that just gave me another reason to go home as soon as possible.

Just as I thought, another letter was waiting for me that evening, all alone in the small green cubed case. I took it out in an automatic gesture but then frowned: the envelope was way heavier than usual and the handwriting of the address was different from Bill's.

"Is everything okay, sweetie?" Mum asked when she saw me entering the kitchen without a word and the envelope still in my hand as she was busy chopping vegetables for dinner.

I slowly opened the envelope and let a bunch of small round objects fall on the surface of the wooden table with a metallic sound. My mother got up from her chair and gasped -letting her knife and vegetables fall on the floor- when she recognized three small bullets. I took out the letter and opened it to reveal a message composed with letters cut from pages of magazines:

"WE THOUGHT WE WERE CLEAR. DON'T SEE HIM AGAIN. THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'RE WARNING YOU. WE HAVE NO LIMITS, COCK-SUCKING WHORE."

It was written in French.

"I'm calling the police." Mum said and I nodded as she ran to the phone. I, on the other hand, went straight to my room to write another letter. _Bill… Bill… Bill, you idiot! Why didn't you give me your phone number?! _I thought and almost ripped off the strand that was twirled on my finger.

The answer came back sooner than usual, along with the journalists who came to harass me again. However, Bill gave me his number this time, followed by instructions, like we were on a secret mission. I did as he told me and let the paparazzi come to me to answer all their questions. A few days later, my face was on several tabloids again, except it was only in a thumbnail in corners or at the bottom of front-pages, while the big bright pink titles spread on Bill's pissed-off face. I bought the same magazines again and almost ran from the shop to avoid a few teenagers who'd recognized me. One of them even asked me for an autograph! I read all four articles about the case, starting with one that was plainly called: "Enough is enough!"

_"…They've been harassing us for too long. We tried everything: restriction orders, investigations… but they've gone too far. We can't stand there and watch them destroy the lives of our friends and beloved ones. Stalkers aren't fans; they are nuisances and criminals. I want justice to be served and see them locked-up for good!"_

Most of the interviews used the exact same terms. I gave him a call as soon as I could. But he only answered after several calls, and even there, he sounded like he didn't have much time:

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me. Have you gone fucking insane?"

I guess it took him a few seconds to recognize my voice.

"What makes you say that?"

"What makes me say that? Oh, I don't know… Maybe the fact that you _literally_ yelled to the world that you wanted these girls' heads on a plate? That's nuts! By doing that, you acknowledge that they have power on you! That's exactly what they're looking for!"

"Calm down," He said and I realized I'd become hysterical indeed. "I just did what I thought was right. You were in danger and I had to protect you."

"Yeah, but… Thanks. Thanks a lot… But I don't think it'll be good for you and your image… After all, this is going to bring you trouble, especially since you're on the most famous show of Germany."

"I bet you're twirling your hair with your finger now."

I froze: I _was_ doing that.

"Yes," I grunted. "I am... I know that's childish but I'm trying to get rid of it."

"Don't. I find it cute."

"That's... That's not the point! You're just trying to change the subject, aren't you."

"I guess I am, indeed… Listen, being famous requires a lot of discipline. But whenever I'll have to use it to protect people around me, I definitely will."

"Thanks…I'm feeling like Lois Lane now." I said and laughed.

"You're welcome." He said with a smile in his voice too.

"That was so _not_ pretentious."

"What? You started to compare me to Superman!"

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn't, and don't you say I did!"

I heard him roar with annoyance, which made me giggle.

"Anyway, the production's going to call you soon, so I might as well tell you in advance. There's a party organized by DSDS before the finals and all previous candidates are invited to intend to it."

"What, we're already on the finals?"

"Yeah… It's been already three months since you left the show."

I never realized that until now. That meant in all three months our "relationship" had started, Bill and I had only met twice. Yet, the letters we would write made me feel like we were constantly with each other.

"Time is fast when it wants to…Will the others judges be there too?"

"I know Tom and I will. So will Mateo. But Dieter won't stay with us for long. He's very busy and he told me he wouldn't feel well to be the only old guy there anyway."

"He's not that old!"

"I know; that's what I keep telling him…"

We both went silent. I was also glad I'd soon see Bojan and everybody else.

"And… about us…" I hesitated.

"What about it?"

"Should we tell the others or…?"

He paused too, like he was thinking, before answering:

"...I'd understand if you don't want us to make it official yet."

"That's the problem, I don't know what to decide. What about you?"

"I'm totally okay with any of your choices. Like I said, everybody knows I've always had a crush on you, so I don't think people will be that shocked to see us together."

"That makes sense." I admitted.

"The party's in three days. You'll soon get more details about it."

"Okay… Bill?" I asked and felt the blood rush up to my ears.

"… Yes?"

"I…I l…."

My tongue suddenly felt drier than if I had eaten the whole Sahara.

"Yes?" He repeated as his voice smoothened. Then I knew he was now expecting the oh-so-predictable sacred words.

_Come on, say it. They're just there, waiting to be said. Say it!_ I heard my voice scream and echo on every wall of my skull.

"I… I like you a lot." I finally declared.

_Idiot_, the same inner voice stated.

"I like you a lot too." Bill answered. "See you."

We then both hung off.

_I'm… just…a… freaking… IDIOT!_


	14. Chapter 14

"I don't understand." I plainly declared when my boss came turned his back on me after checking my work… for the last time.

I should have seen that coming.

"There's nothing to understand. You're fired, plain and simple."

I knew I should have seen that coming.

"You're too careless for the job. My guys keep on slipping on oil every morning."

That son of a bitch was just like all the others.

"And I am tired on dirtying my hands on instruments that are supposed to be clean. I told you many times before but you just wouldn't listen."

Today was the last day of my test period before it'd turn into an official contract. I just should have seen that coming that he would wait until the last day before firing me.

"Excuse-me but I did!" I calmly replied. "I made extra-efforts every time something I did was wrong, like you'd tell me to. I'd sometimes come in advance and stay after closing-time... Please sir, I need this job." I started to beg, which I hated more than anything else in the world. "I need the money for my studies. Just give me another chance!"

"I already gave you another chance." He icily answered. "I gave you several chances. And you wasted them all. You can leave your badge and uniform here; I'll call you when you can come to get your balance."

What a smart move to fire me by the end of the day, when the job was done. Plus he knew dozens of other naïve young women like me were waiting outside and would jump on the offer as soon as I'd pass the entrance door. And they would be treated the same; just like I've been treated for the third time of my professional experiences.

"But how're you gonna find money for the apartment then?" My mum asked when I told her.

"I don't know. I guess I'll just have to look for another job. Again."

My mum nodded and took me in her arms as I felt the tears strating to fall on her shirt. I wished my boyfriend, Bill, was the one comforting me at this very moment. I wish I didn't have to wait for a week to tell him about what happened, because by the end of the week, I would probably have moved on to something else. I needed him now. Now, now, now.

"Honey, I know you claim to become independent as fast as possible. But there's no need to hurry. You're only 18. I didn't leave my parents'home until I was 21."

"But you lived next to your college and I need an apartment to get to the higher school of art. And I can't spare the money I have left because we must still pay for the conservatoire! Time is running and I don't know what to do!"

Mum shushed me.

"We'll find a way, don't worry..."

"And what if we don't? We both know you can't support me forever and dad is only suppose to pay for Anna's studies... I must learn to take care of myself. There's no other way."

"I know, sweetie, I know. Let's just try to think about something else now, alright? Like the party tonight ? Come on, go get dressed before Luce arrives."

I nodded and wiped the traces of tears away from my face as I ran upstairs to get my favorite dress on. Mum was right, I needed to go out more than ever. And I wanted, I needed to see him… But even an hour before we had to go, Luce and I were still scratching our heads to try to find me the perfect outfit for the night.

"How about this one?" I said and picked a long grey dress with flower-prints.

"Sure, it's perfect… if the party takes place in a church, that is. There, put this on!" She said and took a red one from her bag, so short I first thought it was a shirt.

"Now that's the opposite… it's perfect if I decide to start a career as a stripper."

"Come on, it fits your silhouette perfectly! Bill will love it!"

"You don't know what he likes."

"I know his tastes."

"No, you don't. Now stop mentionning him like you know him!" I shrieked.

She looked at me with wide eyes and sighed.

"Alright, no need to become hysterical. Geez…"

I knew she just wanted to help me, but I was also on my nerves. And so, because she looked so hurt, I decided to be nice and put on the little red dress with a deep neckline and long to half of the thighs. I then put on the black necklace and black stilettos. The whole ensemble made me look way older, like I was another woman. My best friend then applied me some make-up on and made a high bun with my hair so the clover on the back of my neck would be apparent. In the end, I was so disturbed by what I saw I turned my head away from my own reflection.

"You're smoking hot." Luce said.

"Shut up…" I replied and blushed under the make-up. "Maybe it's too sexy. It's just a little party after all."

Luce shook her head.

"It's perfect."

"People will think I did it for Bill."

"Well, don't you?"

"Well,... of course, a little." I mumbled. "Also, don't make me forget that I must take Bojan's cap! I still have to give it back to him when I find him!"

Luce stared at me with a proud smile, like a sculptor taking a last look at his oeuvre-d'art.

"God, I wish I could come." She said in a dreamy voice.

"Sorry. The rules are clear: no friends, no pictures, no videos, no smoking…"

"Talk about a nice party…" She replied and smirked.

She accompanied me in her car and I found out I was just in time for the beginning of the party.

"I hope it's not gonna be too cold there. I'm feeling naked with that on!"

"I think it'll be warm enough inside. After all, we're in summer now."

"If you say so… I think I'll come back by train, so don't bother about the hour to pick me up."

"Okay. Have fun and say hi to Bill for me!"

We said good-bye and I heard her honk one last time before she left in the night, while the staff was checking on my ID before letting me in.

The place was warm enough indeed. Maybe it was even too warm for some people, as some girls wore even shorter and flashier dresses than me. I recognized a few people out there: Oksana, Emily, Claudia… I'd forgotten how many we had been from the very start. I saw one of the judges, Mateo, who was already there. That meant Bill was there too, and that I _was_ still a little late. How weird it was to see one of the big sacred judges without sunglasses on and dozens of cameras buzzing and flashing around him. Someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Lola, you look so hot!" A curvy young man with blond hair exclaimed and gave me a big wet kiss on the cheek.

"Oh my god…" I said when I recognized him. "…Martin?"

"The one and only, baby!"

I never thought the Martin I had known before would ever be the guy I had in front of me now: he had lost at least a dozen pounds, had his hair cut in spikes, a shiny blue leather jacket, white jeans and big black boots. But most of all, his eyes were glistening with joy and his voice was louder and clearer.

"My god, what happened?"

"Well, let's say… It's been a while. I decided to change a little, thanks to that man out there! Lukas!" He shouted and waved at someone in the crowd.

A big guy with large shoulders then approached us and took Martin in his arms so delicately you would think he was handling a porcelain doll.

"Lukas, this is Lola. We were together on the recall. Lola, this is the most precious man of my life."

"Nice to meet you." He said and shook my hand, which I thought would end up shattered in pieces under his grip.

"You two look cute together… I'm so happy to see you like this! You look just awesome!"

"Thanks. But like I told you, it's all thanks to Lukas. I'm the happiest guy on earth, now. By the way, I'm telling you the same; you look so hot you'd make snow melt!"

"Thank you…"

"I heard it's also because you found _someone_." He said and maliciously raised his eyebrows.

I tapped him on the shoulder and giggled.

"I can't believe everybody knows now."

"It's a secret to noone, especially because on the internet. You'd be surprised on all the stupid theories people write and read about you, guys..." I shook in agreement. Some people should indeed never be left alone, or else they start thinking weird things about what they know nothing about. "...Anyway, congratulations!"

"Thank you! Same for you! Bye!" I said and left them both when I saw someone I thought was Bill.

He was turning his back at me and was talking to his twin. But I couldn't tell which one was which. Only when Tom left Bill could I distinct them both: Tom had now short black hair while Bill's was now long and blond, like they'd been switching around. He too had changed since the last time we met.

I tapped him on the shoulder and smiled at him when he turned. He, on the other hand almost left his jaw drop when we met face to face.

"Close your mouth before the flies get trapped." I jokingly said.

"Lola…you look… wonderful." He replied with difficulty. He sounded like German wasn't his native language anymore.

Though I had hoped to surprise him, but his reaction was so sincere I still deeply blushed at it.

"Say… Isn't that Bojan out there?" I said and pointed at a young man who was walking towards us.

"Hey, Lola! Wow!" He said and his eyes opened wide when he saw me.

I walked at him and jumped in his arms. He just came with a pair of jeans, snickers, and a shirt with an empty roll of toilet paper and the words: _"What would MacGyver do?"._ Typical Bojan. I hurriedly brought him back to where Bill and I was. They both smiled and hugged too.

"Hey man, it's so great to see you!" Bill said.

"It's so great to see you too, you guys look impressive! You remind of David Bowie in "Labyrinth". That's my favorite movie." He said to Bill.

"Me too!" We both said at the same time and looked at each other, which made Bojan laugh.

"You guys look so cute together."

"Thank you!" We both said and turned our heads together again. Bojan burst out laughing at it.

"I guess I'd better shut up now."

"Well, to be honest," I said, "some of us look different now… Like, did you see Martin?"

"I know! He looks so changed! …Is that my cap?" Bojan said and pointed at the cap I kept in my hand.

"Oh, yes! I'm sorry, it was the first thing I thought about when I left." I said and handed him his precious cap.

"Thank you." He said and let me put it back on his head. "I'm feeling more like myself now." He said proudly.

"I thought you'd say something like that." I said.

I saw Bill twitch from the corner of my eye and turned at him, but he looked at me like nothing had happened.

"There are a few people I wanna say "Hi" to over there" Bojan said and pointed at some people in our backs. "It was nice seeing you too and… congratulations!" He said again before he disappeared in the crowd, leaving the two of us alone.

I remembered Bill's gesture and was also astounded of how quiet he had been during our conversation.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him.

"Sure, why?"

"I don't know. You were almost mute when Bojan and I were talking."

"I guess it's because I had nothing to say…" He said and shrugged, which made me believe him even less. "What were you doing with his cap in your hand?" He then asked.

I rolled my eyes at it.

"I told you. We traded caps when I met him, so I was just waiting for an opportunity to give it back to him. That's almost his symbol, after all. Bojan is never Bojan without it!"

Bill shrugged again, like he was trying to say "_Whatever_" but couldn't say it out loud.

"You know…" I said and sighed. "I don't' like seeing you so tense. This is only the third time we meet; and we're at a party. I think we should try to enjoy the short time we have together."

"I'm fine." He grunted.

"Yeah, yeah sure… Turn around."

"What?"

He was starting to annoy me.

"Turn around. Come on, do it!" I said and held him by the shoulders to make him turn his back at me.

"What are you doing?"

"Just trust my hands, now. Relax, it's gonna be alright." I said and rubbed my palms against one another, blowing hot air on it from time to time.

He sighed.

"Have mercy on me."

"I am." I said and applied my heated hands on his shoulders.

Ever since my job had been making my lower back and hands ache all the time, I'd studied and become a specialist in massages. I did just as I learned from the exercises at the conservatoire: display the skin on both sides of the spine at the height of the nape, rub both shoulder blades in circles, spread the fingers around the skin and press it like modeling clay, use the bloodstream to let the energy circulate with more ease in the body…

"Your hands are soft now, like real girls' hands." Bill said, steadily giving in to their magic.

"Shut up…" I said and chuckled. "That's because I'm using moisturizing cream now."

I had even put varnish on my nails to distract the eye from the clotted wounds around them, which he had probably noticed too.

"I'm glad you're taking care of them now..." Bill said and sighed with delight.

I ended the micro-session and turned around to face him. He had closed his eyes and smiled when he drowsily opened them.

"God, you're good at it."

"Feeling better?"

He nodded, so numb he even yawned, which made me giggle.

"By the way," I said. "I forgot to tell you I also think that new haircut is awesome; your hair makes me think of a lion's, that's pretty cool."

He smiled and suddenly snaked his hand on my waist –to my surprise- and whispered in my ear:

"Is that the French way of calling someone sexy?"

"…Maybe." I whispered back at him.

The intensity of his eyes on mine was now building fire in my chest when he leaned closer and whispered in my ear again:

"As for me, I think you look _pretty_ _cool_, too."

The sound of his voice made me shiver on the last words. I saw a few people talk and look at us, which made me blush and he grinned.

"You look so embarrassed." He said.

"That's not funny!" I exclaimed. "People are looking at us!"

"That's what's so funny about it." He said.

"You…" I started but then stopped and gave him a challenging look.

He questioningly looked at me before I took him by the chin with one hand and kissed him on the mouth, which made the same people near us admiringly whistle at it. Even Bill looked flabbergasted when we parted and I smirked.

"Well done." He whispered.

I must admit I was quite proud of myself.


	15. Chapter 15

All of a sudden, people applauded in the room as the band from Curacao –who was here too- started "Sir Duke" and we clapped all along with the rhythm to encourage the finalists. They clapped and took some mikes out of nowhere as they started to sing. Thank god they could forget all the lyrics they wanted this time, so the semi-finalists could then complete it and sing along with them, followed by the losers from Curacao, until everybody finally sang together, followed by another song, and another one, and another one...

The karaoke went on for what seemed like hours, with no limits in the songs or the number of singers, with or without mikes.

Even the three judges –Dieter had longtime said goodbye and left- had their turn. I was proud to see Bill singing live for the first time. His voice was still one of the best I'd ever heard. I was also obliged to do a duet with him, which I first feared but then fully enjoyed. People applauded us at the end of our song and screamed like fangirls, which made me laugh.

Suddenly, as the applause gradually fainted, the pianist sat down and started to play the first notes of Rihanna's last song, "Stay". The last one who still had the mike in his hand brought it to his lips and walked towards the big shining black instrument as we all sat down or leaned back against the walls of the room, like we were at someone's apartment. Now was the time for a more peaceful, melancholic moment.

Even the pianist seemed to lose himself into the simple melody, until Maurice's crystal voice spread in the air. For some reason, none of us would move, like we had all been spellbound; unless I was the only one with this impression…

_"Not really sure how to feel about it  
Something in the way you move  
Makes me feel like I can't live without you  
It takes me all the way  
I want you to stay… I want you to stay."_

I saw Martin curl up between his boyfriend's legs like a little boy. Some people like Bojan were just looking at Maurice and smiling. Some others like Emily and Julia had their eyes closed or were just looking at the floor, yet still as blind as the others.

_"It's not much of a life you're living.  
It's not just something you take, it's giving."_

Never in my whole life have I since intended to such a spontaneous, serene moment of complicity between 75 people in the same room.

_Round and around and around and around we go  
Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know…"_

I felt a tear roll down on my cheek and one from my nose. I immediately tried to hide it and wipe it out but then I felt Bill's fingers intertwine with mine and hold on tight. I turned my head and saw he was looking at me without saying a word. His brown eyes were shining so brightly they were almost black. I went closer to him and put my head on his shoulder and he softly stroked my hair.

_"I want you to stay."_

When I opened my eyes, some people were leaving. I raised my head and saw Bill smile at me.

"You've fallen asleep. It's time to go now."

I curled up against him and growled:

"I don't want to go. I wanna stay with you."

I took a look at the time on my phone and moaned:

"It's 3 in the morning. There won't be any train before at least three hours."

"I think you have no choice, then." Bill said as he stood up and held me his hand.

I looked at him in the eyes and took his hand to stand up.

"What's wrong with your hands? They're dead cold." I said as we walked out of the elevator.

"Really? That's weird." He mumbled, looking for the pass of his hotel room.

He looked a little nervous. I guess I should have mocked him, if I myself wasn't a little tense too. The door finally opened and he invited me in. My shoulder brushed his torso when I passed in front of him. Everything was soundless. So were we.

When he closed the door and turned at me, I hadn't moved from the middle of the room. We both first stood still from our spots, until he smoothly, steadily walked towards me, feeling the space between us diminish step by step. Our faces were close but weren't touching yet: I had to raise mine like he had to lower his in order for the both of us to reach each other. Invisible sparks cracked in the air, teasing us, filling us with heat. The circuit closed when our lips met and a river of flames flooded through my guts as he put his hands on my hips. They were still cold with nervousness but also greedy, gripping on my body like he was preventing from getting away from him. Our tongues met, which made me moan in his mouth. I slid my own hands under his black shirt up to his ribs, and I soon heard him moan too. He pressed me against his chest and slid down the zipper of my dress; chills were running down my spine when he spread his slender fingers on my naked back. But the sound of his moan excited me: I wanted to hear it again. So I decided to part from him and bury my face in the crook of his neck, biting and licking it like candy. My instinct also guided my knee between his legs and I used our closeness to push him against the wall and press it against his growing erection. He moaned loudly and closed his eyes tight shut:

"God… Lola… Wait…" He said, puffing heavily.

I understood what he wanted and obeyed. But he then took advantage of it and pushed me down to the bed behind us, pinning me against the mattress. He in turn sucked on the skin of my neck, which I would always do to guys because I knew it would personally drive me crazy every time. This was no exception. I tried my best not to scream with the waves of pleasure coming out from that simple sensation and ended up muffling my screams with my hand. Gritting my teeth, I pulled on his shirt and took it out, as he himself took out my dress from the bottom, revealing my half naked body to the warm atmosphere. He gently laid on top of me, and I felt our hearts pulsate against one another. All the rest of our clothes quickly fell on the floor, almost ripped out with urge and need. There we were, both naked in the dark, with all our tattoos, piercings and flaws revealed. Every cell of our skins was set like a mine in a minefield, ready to explode in shivers with every touch as he gently positioned himself on top of me. I was aware of every step he took inside me.

"Are you okay?" He said, all sweaty and panting when he was all in.

I was so entranced with the vision of him above me, his face glowing with lust and care at the same time, I could only nod, swallowing to take a breath. I later clung to his hair and shoved my tongue inside his mouth as he plunged once more, deeper, faster, finally pounding so hard under my belly I was seeing stars with every thrust. The pleasure was so intense I felt every fiber of my muscles tense and I suddenly cried out, soon followed by Bill who greeted his teeth and fell on me, holding on my chest like a cliff above the abyss. Don't let go, Bill.

The last stars were fading in shades of pink and blue in the sky and the red-golden disc of the sun was rising above the horizon formed by the usual field of shining glass towers of the city when I woke up. I closed my eyes again and sighed when I felt a warm pressure against my back and lips kissing the outer shell of my ear.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty."

I grunted and turned to see a sleepy Bill Kaulitz smile at me.

"Hi, handsome..." I murmured and smiled back at him. "What time is it?"

"Quarter past eight… I hate to say this… but I'll be going soon." He groaned and got up from the bed.

"No. Don't go…" I moaned and grabbed his arm. "Stay with me. Just a little longer…"

"I'm sorry… but I have an appointment at nine with the prod at the studio. And it's half an hour away from the hotel. But don't worry, I gave you the pass, so you can take your time in here."

Those last words were too much for my nerves.

"I'm tired of this." I declared and sat down on the bed, now fully awake.

Bill stopped dressing up and stared at me with a shoe in one hand.

"But you said at the party…"

"I know what I said, that "_we should try to enjoy the little time we have together_", I know. But, deep inside, after that night, I just realized I don't want this anymore. I want you... I want to stand by your side, and hold you in my arms whenever I want."

Still standing in front of me, Bill sighed and put on his last shoe.

"I'm sorry. You know I can't do that." He mumbled.

"I know. And that's what I hate so much about our relationship. We've been together for months, and yet we met so few times I feel like I'm dating a ghost!"

"See?" He said and angrily pointed in my direction. "_That_… _That_ is exactly the kind of conversation I wanted to avoid between us."

"And I think this is exactly the kind of conversation we should have right now!"

I was trying to explain myself as calmly as possible. But the frustration that's been building up in me all this time was now overflowing through the words against my will. Despite the beautiful night we had together, Bill seemed to go through the same process as he was now walking back and forth across the room, almost screaming:

"You know what? You don't seem to understand all the shit I have to go through! With the show, the fans, the interviews, those fucking Afghans…I have almost no spare time left, and I'm spending it all on you."

"Oh, that's so generous of you, prince…" I sarcastically replied. "Tell me, how the hell do you think _I_ feel? I have a life too! We just come from two different worlds. You have your problems, but I also have mine! My father left us, my mother's just a housekeeper and she has to take care of both my sister and I. And I've just been fired recently so I might end up unable to finance my school anymore, for crying out loud! You don't know what it feels to struggle with those things, so don't try posing as a victim with me. That's selfish."

"I'm not being selfish! I never said things had always been easy for me! You are the selfish one here!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are! It's just all about you!"

"Fuck you!" I screamed.

I couldn't believe I had just said those words, especially to the one I loved. Even Bill looked at me, stunned, like I had slapped him.

"…"_Fuck you_"? " He repeated with a small voice.

I looked at him, fearing any of his reactions, until he smirked:

"…That's not something Bojan would've heard from you."

"What? Oh my god! You're being jealous now?" I squeaked with stupefaction.

"I know , but I still can't believe you kept his stupid cap for so long. And I know he had a crush on you! He told me so!"

"So you _were_ jealous of him... Holy shit! I can't believe he was right!"

"Well maybe I was! And I thought I was wrong! But now I'm starting to have doubts again…"

"Bill…" I said in a soft voice, still sitting on the bed but filled with cold rage from head to toe. "Get out. Just… get out, please."

I couldn't look at his face now. He, on other hand, stared at me one last time as he took the pass out of his pocket and put on the night table next to me, along with a small amount of cash:

"Like I said, you can take your time in here. Just don't forget to leave the key at the reception. Here's some change for the cab."

"Keep it to yourself." I almost spitted. "I don't need your fucking money. I ought you nothing. Your hear me? Nothing!" I screamed as he walked to the door.

"I never said so. I chose you because you were different."

"Oh? You _chose_ me? What an honor… Stop the press, Bill Kaulitz said he _chose_ me; I'm the favorite of his harem of teenage fangirls!"

Shock and disgust were painted on his features as he went out and shut the door behind him, leaving me all alone in his own room of a hotel I'd never dream of affording.

_"C'est ça, tire-toi! Espèce de connard arrogant!"_ I screamed in French as loud as I could, now blind with burning tears all over my face.


	16. Chapter 16

A few days later, Luce came back to visit us, with a couple of magazines in her hand.

"Hey, how do you feel?" She said and gently rubbed my shoulder when we were all alone in my room.

"Not better." I answered in a hoarse voice.

I couldn't hide anything from my best friend, so I had told her everything about the party. But the whole kindness she could find in herself to reassure me couldn't be enough to tear me from my gloomy mood.

"You know… It seems like you're starting to have a reputation now." She jokingly said and opened one of her magazines in front of me.

I wasn't on the front-page anymore, but there were still a double page about how Bill and I left the DSDS party together, with pictures of us laughing at the entrance of the building. I barely looked at it and went back to my computer-screen.

"Well? Don't you wanna read it?" She asked me and took it back.

"I don't care." I coldly answered.

She sighed.

"How long do you plan to be like this? Because let me tell you, I'm not gonna stand it for long. It's very annoying when people get mad at you when you clearly have nothing to do with what they're going through!"

"Then get out and leave me the fuck alone." I replied the same way, still not twitching a muscle.

Luce's other particular trait of character was that she hated –probably more than anything else in the world- being sent packing. She tore the computer away from my hands, turned it off and took me by the hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Watch." She said as she led me downstairs and turned on the TV.

She set the channel that was now showing DSDS's most recent episode.

Though I didn't get all the words, I understood that one of the performers was violently arguing from the stage with both twins, especially with the blonde one. The audience was booing at every word each of the boys was saying, which was neither amusing nor annoying them. Bill especially looked totally indifferent about what was going on. I didn't see the passion that would make his eyes glow the morning we screamed at each other. I dare even say he looked quite bored to flame the singer, even with Tom by his side.

Luce then turned at me:

"He's mad, you know."

"Oh, boo-freaking-hoo. Mr. VIP is cranky because of me."

"Yes! Because of you!" She snapped and dropped the remote-control, which turned the screen mute. "Listen… I know I'm probably just speculating, and I know I'm not being objective because I'm a fan of his band. But you're the only thing that's normal and not so VIP-stuff in his life, right now. If I were him, I wouldn't want to lose it."

I looked at her then looked at the screen once again. Maybe Luce was right. Maybe I had to try walking in his shoes for once. I must admit that if I felt I was losing something I've longed to find, I'd be pretty stressed –if not desperate- too. But…

"…I don't want to be that "thing"." I said and stood up. "I'm sorry. That role is just too much… If he's on mars and misses earth, let him stay there: he's the one who chose to be there in the first place."

I walked to my room and turned my computer on again. I next went to the pages I was reading, which were endless lists of comments from people who were bashing me, telling me and my whole family to burn or threatening me some more. I brought my hands to my face and rubbed my temples to calm down my starting headache.

"You beautiful asshole… You made my life a living hell!" I hissed between my teeth and held on tears that were about to flow out. I tried to read some more. But the bitterness and poor literacy of the comments were so irritating I decided to create a profile just to ask all of them one by one to go fuck themselves and deal with their own business. That's where a different comment caught my eyes: this commenter wasn't as judgmental or unfair as the others. He was even pretty lucid about the whole "scandal" around Bill and me. Then another comment appeared two comments below, followed by another one, and another one, and another one and so on… I hadn't noticed there were so many people posting nice, caring, encouraging comments which were almost as numerous as those of the haters. Some of them were as much enraged as I was, but they would vent their frustrations on the psycho-Afghans. Reading them made me feel as good as the haters' would bring me down sooner. I was glad to see the internet wasn't only filled with jackasses.

I realized too late that I hadn't locked the door when Luce came in again and stood in front of me with her arms crossed:

"Don't you think I cannot see through you? I saw the way you've been watching him. You had that I'm-so-sorry-Bill-please-take-me-back expression on your face."

I ignored her, and she smiled:

"You're doing that thing with your hair again."

I looked at finger, twirling my hair in an automatic gesture like it wasn't mine and I heard my voice turn dreamy:

"He said he found that cute…'

But before I could take it back, she sat down next to me and sighed:

"You guys are in mad love. Mad love is when you're looking for a way to get mad at one another so you don't have to suffer from missing each other anymore. Which you both still do."

"I guess you're right." I admitted and grunted. "That kind of love is really annoying! You should have seen the scene he made just because of how jealous he was of..."

"I know you're the jealous type too."

"I'm not. Not as much as he is."

"Yeah ? What was the last sentence you told him again?"

"I told him to get the fuck out and…"

"The last German sentence, _idiote_." Luce said and rolled her eyes.

I paused.

"… I said I was honored to be the favorite of his harem."

"See?" Luce reply, barely hiding the triumph in her voice. "You talked about a harem! _You_ _are_ jealous of all the girls he could have! You started to make a scene about it too!"

I stared at her and blinked, like she was now talking to me in a language I didn't know. Did that mean…I had been reproaching Bill things he could reproach me too?

"Do you think so?" I asked with the tone of a child in front of a simple equation, which Luce noticed.

"Well, duh!" She replied and softly tapped me on the forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Oh my god… What have I done? I got to call him right away! No, wait! Maybe he's busy. I must write him, but it's too slow! I could text him… But that format won't be long enough. Plus he does prefers letters… I need a pen and paper! Now!" I said and started to climb the stairs.

"There you go, girl! Run!"

"Shut up!" I said and we both burst out laughing when I fell head first in the stairs and had to climb up once again.

Once I was out, walking towards the mailbox of my street with my finished letter in hand, I heard my phone ring and couldn't recognize the owner of the number that was calling me:

"Hello?"

"Lola, this is Tom."

I stopped and raised my eyebrows in surprise. His voice was very similar to his brother's.

"Tom… Hi! What do you…"

"Listen, we're just on break off air so I don't have much time. Bill told me about the party."

I opened my mouth, ready to reply:

"Let me finish." He instantly cut me off. "Like you probably know, I know my brother better than anyone else. And I know he's very sorry for what he said. I made him write a letter. I guess you already received it. Go check your mailbox!"

I turned around, skeptical, and went to check it. However, the precious rectagular envelope was there, shyly hidden between a flyer from a bank and the newspapers. I realized I was still on the phone when I opened it. Tom wasn't wrong. It _was_ Bill's delicate, almost feminine handwriting.

Bill was down. Bill was sorry. Bill needed me. Bill didn't know what to do. Bill wanted to go back in time and hold me in his arms and tell me how sorry he was. Bill was desperate. Bill needed help. My help.

All the emotions that grew inside of me went so fast and so intense I cried on the phone

"I miss him too! I miss him so much! I shouldn't have said all those horrible things to him, I was just angry!"

"Maybe there's a way you can both fix it. I'm gonna give you the address of our new hotel. Here's something you can do…"

Tom's voice suddenly lowered: his brother was probably not far from him now.


	17. Chapter 17

"Here we are, miss."

I thanked the chauffeur and wanted to give him a tip, but he politely refused it and smiled. He had been driving back and forth all night from my hometown to the city where DSDS took place just to pick me up and bring me to Tom and Bill's hotel before dawn. Either the twins had gone sadist or Tom truly, deeply cared about his brother.

I was also amazed at the fact that even the receptionist would let me in without asking any questions like he seemed to have been told to.

I remembered Tom's instructions:

_"Remember, make no mistake: we'll be at the fourth floor and he'll be in room 4-8-3."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah, I know. Weird coincidence." He ironically answered._

I pressed the button of the elevator with my heart in my mouth. The doors closed and the machine slowly started its ascension. No music, not even the sound of mechanics -even a stone in space, even the sluice of DSDS wouldn't be so awfully quiet. The big shining cage smoothly arrived on its destination and the doors opened.

_…477…479…_

I tightened my grip in my pocket around the present I had bought for him -as much as I could without breaking it-, walking through the corridor and watching the door numbers scroll in front of my face.

_…481…_ 483.

I knocked on the door.

"Tom? …Who is it?..." Someone grunted.

It was Bill's voice. I sighed and knocked on the door again until he reluctantly opened. I jumped on him and pushed him back into the room before he could even realize what was going on. He struggled in reflex and firmly pushed me away from him at first. But then, as soon as our eyes met, his face lit up and he brought me closer to him again.

"Lola, it's you! You scared me!" He whispered in my ear.

"Bill, I'm so sorry! So, so, sorry!" I said in a muffled voice with my head buried in his naked chest.

He tightened his hold on me as he put his chin on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry too. Shhh... It's okay. I'm here…"

We stayed there for who knows how long; maybe minutes, maybe hours…

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" Bill whispered when I parted from him.

"Maybe… maybe not… I don't care."

He looked at me like I had said something rude.

"Are you… sure? This school means everything to you."

"Yup."

I took his hand and opened it to kiss its porcelain palm:

"I don't know how you did it, but you got me completely addicted to you. And I hate to see you sad more than not being considered one the best anymore."

The man standing in front of me was so astonished by my words and by my gesture, it took him several seconds before coming back to earth. He then took his phone and dialed a number without taking his eyes off me.

"Hi, it's me, Bill. I know it's early and I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it to the press conference today. I know. I'm sick. I'm very sick. Very very sick, cough cough and all. Yeah, sorry. Bye."

He hung off and I in turn stood there, confused.

"You're having a press conference." I repeated.

"Yeah."

"Which means there will be dozens of journalists there."

"Yeah."

"…I'd hate how they would react when you're not there, especially Dieter. They will all kill you tomorrow!"

"Yeah. And I'll resurrect just to be here with you again."

A sparkle of joy tickled my face. I ran towards him like a little girl and he received me with a grin with his arms wide open, which made us both fall onto the bed with me on top of him. We both kissed, still smiling and laughing, which was hard but still very funny nonetheless. He tucked his fingers in my hair and pressed me closer to his face; his pierced tongue then slid in my mouth and I closed my eyes, enjoying the slow dance of mine with his. His other hand snaked behind my back under my jacket and I smiled again in the kiss.

"Wait!" I suddenly said and got up from him. "I have something for you."

I finally took my precious gift out of my pocket and handed it to him.

My town was the best for one little thing: its local artisans. The one who lived three streets away from my house was a jeweler. He could transform any material and turn it into gold -not literally but… dammit, you got the point. And so, when I described the kind of jewel I had in mind, he went to the back of his shop and came back with a treasure Bill was now holding in his tattooed hand at the height of his face, hoping with all my heart he would at least appreciate it as a gesture: a small bird-shaped resin pendant with something sealed in the middle…

"… a four-leaf clover." Bill murmured.

"As a lucky charm. I thought the bird looked like the one on your tattoo." I replied.

He slightly tapped it with his finger, watching it spin, which made him squint a little and I laughed.

"What?"

"I don't know if you like it, but I'm glad it entertains you, at least."

He opened it before putting it around his neck:

"I love it." He said and kissed me on the forehead with his hands still busy fiddling the clasps. I noticed and smiled:

"Need a hand?"

"...I think so." He admitted and sat on the bed.

I sat on my knees behind him and closed the clasps on his nape.

"God, I love this tattoo." I said and kissed the symbol of his band, which made him retract his neck like a turtle:

"Don't do that."

"Why not?"

"…It tickles."

I smiled behind his back.

"…you mean like this?" I said and kissed his nape again, which made him retract once more and giggle at the same time.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?" I said and let one more, two more, then a million more kisses rain on his skin. I also caught his wrists as they were trying to pull me off his back.

"I said stop!" He said, his words struggling with his giggles that were louder and louder and more high-pitched.

"I love your laugh! Why would I stop it?"

"Because of this." He said before he turned to face me and pushed me on the mattress.

He was now on top of me, his eyes still glinting from his previous laughs.

"Don't you think I know _your_ weak spots?" He raised his eyebrows and smirked.

He then leaned down and planted his lips on my neck, almost nipping it in the process.

"That doesn't tickle. It…" I objected and was cut off by my own gasp.

He then looked at me and I saw his eyes had turned predatory.

"I know." He said in a sultry voice and pinned me underneath him for another vampire kiss.

I tried to struggle but definitely couldn't: he was much stronger than he looked. I had no choice but to give in to the fire that was now eating me from the inside.

"Not fair, mister Kaulitz." I tried to reply in a sarcastic tone.

"Who said it was?"

That's where I was finally decided as it hit me. It was time.

"Wait! Bill! I'm serious! Let me go, please!" I said and squirmed.

He quickly got up from me, worried.

"What? What is it? Are you okay?"

I paused and made him sat on the bed before standing in front of him:

"There's something important… Something very important I have to tell you… "

I was hoorrified to hear my voice was already trembling. But I knew I wouldn't regret what I was about to do.

"Hold on, I can do it. Bill... Bill, I..."

Bill's eyes started to shine when he understood what was going on and crossed his legs, smiling.

"Starts with an "I", ends with a "you"."

"Shut up, don't whisper! I have to do it on my own: I… I… I…"

I had never said that before, not even to Nicolas. My legs were shaking and my palms were sweaty like when I told my parents I seriously wanted to make a living out of singing. My heartbeat was rushing like the first time I had auditioned at the conservatoire and been accepted. My tongue was as dry as sand like when I had auditioned for DSDS... I also recognized that stare. It was the stare of the third judge -the one with the weird style- who then did what he probably wanted to do ever since the first audition. He stood and walked towards me before taking my hands and whispering:

"Don't say it if you don't feel like it. It's alright, Lola. Just breathe in."

I suddenly remembered all the advices I'd been given. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and focused once again on a fixed point which had been, was, and always will be…Bill's eyes.

"I love you."

There I said it. My heart was still in my mouth but I had finally said it. My words had come out, loud and clear and oh, how I loved their next consequences. Bill brought me to his lap, held my chin with his hand so our foreheads were touching and said, inches away from my lips:

"I love you too."

We kissed. Someone's radio -Tom's? Dieter's? Someone for the staff? Who cares at this point?- suddenly went off somewhere in the middle of a song I didn't know, though it had lovely verses:

"_Like the legend of the phoenix_  
_All ends with beginnings._

_What keeps the planet spinning_  
_The force from the beginning..._

_…We've come too far_

_To give up who we are…"_

The song was apparently another party-dance song from a band I didn't know, but I was ready to listen to it to the end, as long as I did it with Bill. I had no idea of what to do next, just knowing that the paparazzi may had already spotted me and were ready to write bullshit about me again, but I wouldn't mind, as I long as they'd let me stay with Bill. I guess we'd just try to get lucky. The song seemed to agree with me as its warm voice then only slowly intoned:

_"We're up all night to get lucky _

_We're up all night to get lucky _

_We're up all night to get lucky _

_We're up all night to get lucky _

_We're up all night to get lucky…"_

The kiss went more intense. He slid his hands under my shirt and softly pushed me on the bed before taking it off, which I gladly let him do. Here we were with this fever again -which I knew now was called love-, ready to be up all night, except we knew we were both already lucky.


	18. Chapter 18

I was right. Here they were again, those freaking human-shaped mosquitoes. Whatever the specie, their names were all spelled the same:

P-A-P-A-R-A-Z-Z-I.

"Go away! I have nothing to tell you! For the last time, leave us alone before I call the police!" I shouted in vain as they kept on buzzing around us:

"Lola, are you involved in a relationship with Bill Kaulitz or is it just a cover to hide his homosexuality?"

"What ?"

"If it's not too personal, are you rather on top or bottom?"

"Huh ?!"

"What do your parents have to say about your affair with a celebrity? Were you a virgin when you met him?"

"Oh for crying out loud… !"

Luce and I'd try to escape from the swarm of journalists who seemed to have traded their sense of privacy and respect for a check. Anna, on the other hand, would always stay behind and slow us down, posing like a diva and smiling brightly at them, which would excite them, of course.

"You're Lola's sister? What's your name?"

"Over here, sweetie, look at the camera and hold still! Give us a sexy look!"

"Leave my friend's little sister alone, people! She's 12!" Luce would suddenly yell at them and pull Anna by the hand so brusquely she would stagger and almost fall.

"What the hell, Luce?" She'd whine when we'd finally lose them. "Let me go! They aren't being mean, they just want cool pictures of us! They'll make us famous!"

"Anna, honey, trust me. Good people are never famous with this."

"Why not?"

"Tell me," I'd then reply. "If you want to be famous, what do you wanna be most known for? Your drawings, or the fact that you like to wear Spongebob panties on Saturdays?"

Anna'd then immediately shush me with a crimson face:

"They're gonna hear you."

"That's exactly my point."

I couldn't believe Bill, Tom, and so many others celebs in the world had to deal with them every day for ten or twenty years –if not for the rest of their lives. I was also scared these idiots would show up at my school –or my new workplace- and get me fired.

"I dare them to even try." Luce said and cracked her knuckles with her fist.

This wasn't enough to reassure me, but it would at least make me smile because of how skinny Luce was: she was even thinner than Bill and Tom; even Anna could fight better than her.

When I went home, I was glad to see Bill had gone home and was connected: though we would continue to write to each other, we'd also both created an account on Skype and would use it on weekends. The only problem was that his computer's mikes were dead, so we would see each other on webcams but still had to type messages instead of talking. However, we were so used to writing now we wouldn't be that bothered. I smiled when I heard the familiar beeping call on my profile. I clicked on it and saw his gorgeous face smile at the camera. He was so used to them, he had even given me a tip: I just had to put my desk lamp at the back my computer-screen instead of the side, so I would get a good light without getting dazzled. I saw him bow his head as he started typing our usual greeting message:

_"Hi! How was your day?"_

Although I would often try to prepare myself before these kinds of calls, the journalists had made me rush home and I had arrived barely ten minutes before the call, so I wasn't at my best:

_"Pretty tired, honestly. Sorry for the look. Been chased through the town by the same naggers all day."_

He tilted his head and smiled some more, which I already knew what it meant, but he typed it anyway:

_"You look beautiful, no matter what you say." _

I knew I was supposed to expect him to say that, but I still loved the look he would give me through the screen afterwards. I smiled when I typed back:

_"Thank you... Also, I finally got the answer for my audition! I got it! I'll be in the next musical in town! It's called_

_"The Threepenny Opera" by Brecht! It's quite a big production actually, and the director even mentioned the possibility of a three weeks tour!"_

I was happy to see Bill's smile grow even wider:

_"That's awesome, congratulations! What role will you play?" _

_"My character's called Polly and the story takes place in London, in the 30s. I'm the daughter of "the Beggars' friend", who's the king of all beggars in London. Unfortunately for him, I'm in love with his worst enemy, Mackie Messer a.k.a "Mack the Knife", the most famous criminal of London." _

I noticed Bill's eyebrows rise while he was reading my message and then answered:

_"That's funny. Mackie was my nickname when I was little!"_

_"Really? That's so cool! I wish I'd grown up with a nickname too…"_

I added a pouting smiley. He lightly laughed at it before typing:

_"You said it was a musical. Are you gonna sing too?"_

_"Of course! And I have a lot of songs! There's one I now consider as my favorite of all time, called "Pirate Jenny"."_

_"What is it about?"_

_"It's a revenge fantasy sang by a scullery maid. She dreams of being a pirate queen in disguise and pretends to wait for his crew to come and bombard the port, then make her order the execution of her bosses… I can't tell you how well I see myself as her." _I wrote and added a winking smiley, although my real face had turned dreamy and sad at it.

Bill's own -who had been patiently waiting and was now reading- suddenly went thoughtful. It took him a short time before answering:

_"I don't see you as pirate. I'd say you look more like Cinderella. I know it's cliché, but that's the way I've always seen you. Ever since the very first time we met."_

I in turn raised my eyebrows at it and smirked:

_"And you would be my Prince Charming?"_

He frowned, all serious again:

_"No. I was afraid you'd see me more like the godmother: coming out of nowhere and ready to offer you the world and respond to all your whims with a click of the fingers."_

I felt indignant for a micro-second, but then stared at my screen like I could read in him through it:

_"Did many girls act like this with you?"_

I bet they did. Witches weren't legends from the Middle-Age. They'd still exist nowadays, only a different kind. Bill seemed to agree with me as he replied:

_"I could spot them, but I'd never let them enough time… I know there was a time I would have let you have this power on me. Yet, you never used it. And for that, I'm eternally grateful to you."_

My chest filled with warm flows of happiness when I read these words, followed by a glint of curiousness:

_"If you're not this kind of prince, what are you then?"_

Though I just wanted to know, I hoped he didn't feel like being interviewed again... In spite of not hearing the sound of it, I noticed the sigh he gave before typing:

_"It might surprise you... but I honestly see myself more like "the Beauty and the Beast"."_

He didn't follow it with any further explanation. He probably thought he was giving too much already. I was touched. I knew the story. And he knew I knew the story. I still couldn't help replying:

_"I must admit… You'd still look pretty hot in a yellow dress. Disturbingly hot, but hot anyway."_

He burst out laughing in his room, with the sound still off, which made me laugh out loud too by simply looking at him and we both kept on giggling on both sides of the screen until he'd reply again:

_"I'd like to thank you again for the necklace. I'm wearing it every day."_

I smiled:

_"Liar. I watched the last episodes of the show and I didn't see it on you!"_

_"I know." _

I was surprised by the shortness of the message, until he took the pendant from under his shirt and showed it to the webcam:

_"That's because I'm wearing it underneath. You have no idea of how much this means to me. So I don't want it any further from my skin."_

I froze. I tensed. I gulped. I squirmed and started to stutter to myself in the middle of the night when I read these sentences in my bed over, and over, and over...

_"I can see you blushing, you know."_

I almost jumped when the message suddenly appeared and felt my face burn even more to the point of melting when I answered:

_"It's not me. The webcam doesn't work well. I guess I also have a problem with the lighting…"_

_"I love you."_

The reply had been sent before I could post mine. I stopped typing and grinned before erasing my answer. The three sacred words were now said freely, yet they would still feel like the first time we told them.

_"I love you too."_ I typed back, feeling my fingers almost fly on the keyboard with delight.

The answer came quickly:

_"I'll take it out for the next episode. So then people will see that I officially belong to someone. They will see that I belong to you."_

I loved him so much.

_"I belong to you too. Good night…"_

_"Take care. Sweet dreams." _

It would soon be our half-anniversary – and yes, I'm the kind of freaks who celebrate six months of relationship. I was pretty sure Bill wouldn't be against it anyway. After all, both our sentimental lives were quasi-inexistant before we met and our own cocoon was still quite fragile. I guess those factors didn't help envisaging how it would ever be torn apart like it would soon be.


	19. Chapter 19

It was a Saturday afternoon and Luce was helping me memorizing Polly's lines when she was not singing- which was hard as hell for me. Besides, like every time we'd been working together, Luce and I would soon deviate from the task and start doing anything else like gossiping or... yeah, just gossiping.

"Did you know Bill had a nickname?"

"Yes, he told me. He was called Mackie when…"

"I'm not talking about that. He has another name…"

"Really? What is it, then?"

Luce paused and chuckled:

"Have you ever heard of Billaconda?" She said and I shook my head. "Actually, it's… not really his name… It's about a specific part of him…"

"What specific part?" I asked and narrowed my eyes in mistrust. I knew that kind of smile meant she would soon traumatize me for life.

Though we were all alone in my bedroom, she glanced at the door like she feared someone would hear us. She then leaned towards me and whispered in my ear, which made me I jump to the ceiling:

"They named his WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"Ow! Those were my eardrums, thank you very much!"

"Lola! Someone for you on the phone!" I heard my mum call me from downstairs.

That call surprised me; I wasn't waiting for any. And if it had been a journalist, my mum would have hung off right away.

"There you are!" My mum said when I arrived. "This is the representative of MMC-Studios, Mrs. Flush."

"Fluch. It's German, not English." She curtly corrected as she could still hear my mum. "Hello, miss Klein. I represent the producers of DSDS." I heard a sweet young voice say.

Of all the kind of people I'd been expecting behind Dieter Bohlen's show, Mrs. Fluch was the last I could have been thinking of. Instead of a deep, authoritarian voice, hers was so soft you were lulled by the music of her words. I bet she was barely older than Bill.

"I'd like to have a talk with you, in private."

I let her call me back on my phone and I went outside. It then didn't take us long to go to the point:

"…Ten years is a long time for a show: DSDS is getting old, the audience ratings have been declining for years. People get bored really fast of anything nowadays. But thanks to the new judges like Mateo, Bill and Tom, we got a new kind of audience."

"The screaming female preteens." I cut her off, fighting not to smirk.

In spite of my rudeness, she agreed and even laughed at it:

"You're smart. And the thing is, when we run into details, it turns out your affair with Bill is one of the main reasons this kind of public keeps coming back for him every time. They read the press, they hear rumors, they debate, they in turn judge him, and you, they bet on the time you'll stay together… Oddly enough, a part of this business feeds on gossips you get with your neighbours on mondays."

I smiled at it. Though I found her pleasant, I was upset she'd use the term "_affair_" to talk about my relationship with Bill.

"The only problem is that it's taking proportions we weren't prepared for. The audience, the jury, the studio... We are all tired of taking consequences for that obsession with the real Aliens, as they call themselves. It's getting too big. Our operators are overwhelmed by calls from everywhere, sometimes by the same people over and over again. They're mad at us. They say we shouldn't have let you take part to the show, that we manipulated the script just for you and your romance with Bill."

"That's ridiculous." I bluntly stated and she agreed before adding:

"One of our operators quit because of their harassment. It's driving our team crazy, and though we first found it amusing, we can't let the show be all about Bill's own soap-opera..."

I tilted my head, even though she couldn't see it.

"Are you saying you're planning to fire Bill Kaulitz?"

"Of course not, we can't do that!" She exclaimed with a chuckle. "He and his brother are too popular. That would be counterproductive."

"Plus if he leaves, so does his twin. They're inseparable." I added.

"…And there's no need to be an expert to understand that we can't run the show with only two judges, no matter how experienced Dieter Bohlen is." She concluded. "We thought about something else…"

She paused, like she was asking for permission to go on. I remained quiet in waiting:

"… you see, with Bill being single again, we could easily kill two birds with one stone. First of all, our team would be released from the pressure they're currently on, and then, we wouldn't lose our audience. Actually, that would even rather reassure them. You know how teenage-girls are about their celebrity-crushes, right?"

I blinked. This conversation was getting surreal:

"So you're currently asking me to leave Bill."

She didn't answer, which was obviously a "Yes".

"Tell me… Please tell me you're joking. You can't ask me to do that!" I insisted, but she still wouldn't answer. "Look," I told her, trying to hide how more and more pissed-off I was, "if it really has to be, maybe Bill and I can _pretend_ to be separate, so then everybody's happy, the prod and the audience."

I had obviously not been convincing, as she replied:

"That won't be enough. Though the press loves to feed on rumors, they always end up finding the truth when they really look for it. The fact that you're not publicly going out with Bill didn't prevent your liaison to become public, did it? If you pretend not to see him, it might end up getting worse for both of you, because people hate to get fooled."

"Right… So you want another scandal to replace this one and eventually get a second boost of publicity. That's what you're looking for too, don't you? But you know what? As cliché as it sounds, Bill has the right to get a life, and so do I! We'll live it the way we want. I don't care about the fans anymore. I love Bill. And you can't ask him to leave me because you have no power on him. You don't have any on me either."

As brave as I may have sounded -proudly standing for the both of us- I still felt that she had prepared herself for such an answer as she she paused and replied in an undertone:

"You know... the peculiar subject that perpetually comes back in this job... is ethic. We keep joking about it among colleagues. You wanna know why? ...Because the basis of that métier consists in learning all low blows that can be given between rival broadcasters. After all, it's all about the maths: once you stop selling, you fall. Once you've fallen, you're withdrawn, plain and simple. We are young too, you know, like you and Bill. We have years and years ahead of us; so do our kids. We must feed ourselves and feed them at all costs. Tell me..." She said louder and clearer. "do you really think a brat like you scares me? Do as you're told. Unless you want me to call all my fellow journalists and tell them whatever goes through my mind: that you're dating Bojan, you're an infiltrated Afghan… or I can just give them all the addresses of all your entourage, it works too. Think: at least, I'm giving you an alternative where you can go away with your reputation intact. You see? That's the kind of ethic my colleagues and I are used to in show business."

I looked at my reflection in the window and saw my face had gone white. I couldn't tell if she was insane or really good at convincing people she was insane. My fingers were so numb I dropped the handset when I heard her voice again:

"So what do you think?"

"Ok." I answered; the two letters so painful to pronounce I almost spit them like they were poison in my mouth.

We settled an appointment to the studios; a car would come to pick me up so I would arrive right after they finished registering the session for the next episode. All I could now was repeating the same letters over and over, with their reverse side printed on the back of my brain: KO. I had struggled but it hadn't been enough. And now there I was, still standing although I was KO on the inside. Cupid was glaring, not so proud of his fighter right now.


	20. Chapter 20

_I shouldn't be here_, was the first thing that came to my mind when I went out of the car. The chauffeur – which I recognized as the one Tom had sent me- turned and smiled at me:

"Are you making a surprise to your boyfriend again?"

"…He's not expecting this for sure." I replied but didn't smile back.

I closed the door and turn to walk towards the entrance of the studio. I didn't care what he would deduce of my vague answer. My mind was now all focused on my vile, vile mission.

"Lola! Hi! What are you doing here?" Bill said when he saw me and left his chair, almost running to come and hug me. Kissing was probably what he had in mind, but he knew I was still a bit too shy to do this in public. They were all sitting around tables, discussing about who knows what –probably details to fix in the footage-, judges and staff-members all mixed together. I saw a few grins appear on their faces, including from Mateo, Tom, and even Dieter.

"Can't I just come to see you after work when I have time?" I asked Bill with a fake smile.

"So the legends were true..." Dieter said and chuckled at us.

"Yep." Bill proudly said and turned at him before ironically asking: "Does that really surprise you?"

"Not at all." The older man replied. "It was the only logical following to that case."

"Congratulations!" Mateo replied and smiled at us again.

"Thank you." I said, though his reply made my heart sink with shame. "Bill, can I talk to you for a minute?"

He frowned.

"Sure." He replied, though obviously wanting to ask me what was going on.

We left the team and walked away from the set to his lounge and I closed the door behind us. When I turned, Bill was silent, sitting on a couch with his legs crossed, waiting.

"It's gonna last more than a minute." I said and then paused, internally praying for Time to end there, just right there, with no choice but to go backwards to continue. But Bill was still listening, still waiting. And so was that damned Mrs. Flush, who had settled bugs in my jacket. I told you, she was nuts.

"I'm leaving you, Bill." I finally declared. "I'm sorry."

I saw the impact, followed by the effects of that bomb bloom on Bill's face: total petrifaction, bloodless skin, pupils retracting with shock, mouth half-opening on nothing but not willing to close either.

"...You can't be serious. After all we've been through: the sacrifices, the fights, the moments we shared together, you're… breaking-up with me?"

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me…"

"But why?" He exclaimed, almost shouting. "I don't understand! We're finally happy together! Why do you wanna stop now?"

"I just… I can't… We can't stay together."

"Sure, we can." He said and went to hold my hands, touching my forehead with his. "I told you, I'm not afraid of what they could say about us at all. I love you."

"Well, I don't love you anymore." I lied and tears rolled down on both of my cheeks.

Bill parted from me and took a few steps back, like he had been shot.

"What did you say?"

"I don't love you!" I repeated louder. "I'm tired of all the pressure I have to go through because of you. My friends are afraid to hang out with me because they think I'm a freak, a diva always surrounded by paparazzi. And your fans hate me, they call me a slut, just like Fairuz; do you remember her? The candidate you comforted on the beach? They made her life a living hell because she dared talking to you! You are doomed, Bill Kaulitz. No-one dares to approach you because they know your harpies will tear them apart as soon as they touch you. They wanna eat you up. So in the end, you'll end up alone."

I was sobbing, my nose running like the Niagara falls and my eyelids starting to burn deeply. I didn't mean all of this, but I thought if I made him hate me, then he wouldn't regret leaving me. I didn't even have tissues in my pockets -gee, what a tragedy. Bill was on the other side of the room; he had been patiently listening to all my tirade, standing still and quiet, just staring at the floor. When he raised his head again, I saw his eyes were red and shiny too.

"Is this really what you think of me?" He asked in a weak voice.

I sniffed and shamelessly used my sleeve to wipe out the mess on my face.

"I don't know… maybe…" I replied, tears still running from my eyes and nose, ignoring the huge desperate "No!" that was shouting in the back of my brain.

Bill then slowly approached me until he was a few inches from me, and dropped to his knees.

"Oh, no. Bill, no. Don't. Don't do that. Please…" I stammered.

"I love you." He said, his eyes still locked with mine. "Always have, always will. I don't care about the others. They are nothing compared to you. You're the one I've been waiting for all my life. You can't do this to me." He said and put his arms around my knees, forlorn. "Please don't do that. I'm begging you. Don't leave me."

"Stop it, just stop." I said, clenching my fists to resist to the temptation of stroking his hair and make him stand up. "You know I can't do that. Everything's turning against us. It's a sign."

"But I don't give a shit about signs!" He cried out. "Tell me what you want; I'll do anything for you! I'll take you to Los Angeles! We'll go walk on Sunset Boulevard! We'll see the Wall of Fame! I'll introduce you to a lot of famous people…"

"Don't. Don't try to impress me with your fame and money. That's not the reason why I'm leaving you. I'm leaving just because I have to, Bill."

He frantically shook his head and held me tighter. I felt him shake and a stain of warm tears grow on one of my knees. So I bent down and put my hand on his cheek, stroking it with my thumb.

"You're a rock-star, with millions of beautiful girls crying for you every day." I whispered and wiped out a tear that rolled down to my fingers. "And you're crying just for one."

He took my hand in his and kissed the palm.

"Right, I am. The simple idea of losing you makes me shake like a leaf. I don't want it. There's no way I'm gonna let that happen!"

"You have to though. We'll both have to deal with it, there's no other option. Please Bill, be strong. Remember when you could live without me. You'll just have to do it again."

He looked at me one last time before standing up and walked to the other side of the room again, turning his back at me so I couldn't see his face anymore.

"Fine." He said, all traces of despair and love gone from his voice. "Then I guess… you can take it back."

He brought his hands to his neck before handing me the necklace I had bought him without looking. I took it in my hand and kept the other one a few inches away from his back, like an invisible field was preventing me from touching him anymore.

"Go away."

"Bill, I'm so sorry…" I murmured.

"Go away!" He shouted.

I was so afraid of this sudden outburst I ran out of the room and then heard muffled bangs on the walls.

"Bill? What's going on?" I heard Tom shout behind me, followed by the sound of steps that went louder and louder as I ran into the elevator facing the room. I saw Tom pulling on the doorknob and pound on the wooden panel.

"Come on, open to me!" He kept shouting as the others came by and looked at the scene, unable to think about what to do next.

I wanted to disappear behind the safe thick doors of the elevator, but they were incredibly slow to close. When Tom finally forced the door open and went into the room, all I could see was his profile in the doorframe, as he repeated the question "Bill, what's going on?". He turned his head and our eyes met as the doors finally closed.

_What did he see? Is Bill alright?_ I instantly thought and repeatedly stomped on the button of the level I had just left. But I then realized it was too late to come back and collapsed on the floor of the shiny tiny cage I was now locked in.

I walked out the elevator, then out the reception, then out the studio without a word or a glance to anyone I'd meet, up to the lady waiting for me outside of her car in the parking lot. I opened my jacket and took out the bug.

"There, it's done. You're happy?" I said and shoved the mike in her hands.

"You know," she said and handed me a tissue, "just because I made you do this doesn't mean I'm happy about it."

"Fuck you."

She then put her hand full of rings on my shoulder.

"You did the right thing. It was better for the both of you not to stay any longer together."

I shook her hand off me.

"Do you need a ride home?" She innocently asked.

"I'll take the train." I answered.

She shrugged before opening the door of her car and started. I heard the sound of the motor roar, very loudly at first, then going weaker and weaker as she left me all alone among rows and rows of empty cars.

I clenched my fists but then hissed and saw I'd cut myself as my palm was bleeding a little. I'd forgotten how thin the resin of the pendant was: the bird was broken, and the clover was ripped in the middle. The security guards at the entrance were staring at me. I shrugged and put on my earphones as I started walking out the parking lot. I put on a song from Telephone, one of my favorite French rock band, bitterly smiling at the lyrics:

_« Cendrillon, pour ses 20 ans, est la plus jolie des enfants… _

_Son bel amant, le prince charmant, la prend sur son cheval blanc_

_Elle oublie le temps, dans ce palais d'argent_

_Pour ne pas voir qu'un nouveau jour se lève_

_Elle ferme les yeux, et dans ses rêves,_

_Elle part… Jolie petite histoire. »_

Cinderella's the most beautiful of all children on her 20th birthday. Her handsome lover, Prince Charming, takes her on his white horse. She forgets about time in his silver palace. As she doesn't want to see that a new day is breaking, she closes her eyes. And in her dreams, she goes… Such a nice little story.


	21. Chapter 21

The door imperceptibly opened. I didn't move from under my sheets, like every day -except for school, which is why I'd been replaced in the musical. Fuck it, I wouldn't have been good anyway.

"Lola, honey…" I heard my mum shyly ask. "Someone for you at the door."

"Tell that "_someone_" to go to hell." I mumbled.

"Lola, please… It's Bojan."

I slowly rose up from my bed, still grumping. My hair was messy and I had deep dark circles under my eyes. I hated my face. I hated that girl in the mirror and her stupid stare. I wanted to shatter the reflection in pieces to make it pay for its insolence. I put on random clothes and no make-up.

"Hello, Lola." Bojan said when he saw me walking downstairs; he looked better than me but I could see his smile was fake. "You look…"

"Ugly, I know."

"That's not what I meant... But I must admit, I've seen you in a better shape than that."

"Tell me about these days…" I said and smirked. "I'm sorry, I mean, come on in. It's good to see you." I tried to smile at him but failed.

He joined me upstairs and closed the door of my room behind us. We then sat on my bed and hugged.

"I talked to the twins. And I tried to free myself as soon as possible, just like you did for me the day I lost on the show... How long now since... ?"

"A month." I said in a choked voice.

A tear threatened to fall. He handed me a tissue from his backpack, but it appeared it finally decided not to drop.

"I'm waiting for my mind to get used to it, but it never does. It still hurts every day." I calmly declared, my voice slowly turning back to normal.

Bojan rubbed my shoulder.

"I got something for you." He said and took out a cap from his bag: it was the Supergirl cap.

I looked at him as he handed it to me.

"Don't you like it anymore?"

"Well, of course I do! But I think you deserve it better. I'm Superman, and you're my Supergirl. I'm proud of you. We're both indestructible together."

I gave him a small smile at how cheesy his encouragement sounded and we hugged again.

"I also got news from the twins." He continued. "DSDS finally stopped two weeks ago. The winner was Susan."

I silently nodded. I couldn't care less but it was nice to see Bojan cared enough to give me news of the world, no matter how less I could care of it.

"…Also, the twins are back on tour. They finally released their third album a few days ago. I don't have it, but I hacked a few of their new titles." He said and took his computer out of his bag. "You wanna listen to it?"

I paused and mumbled:

"Sure, why not…"

But he then looked embarrassed and started to put it back in its place:

"I'm sorry. You're right, maybe I shouldn't make you…"

"Not at all. Go ahead. As long as it doesn't release poison, I don't think it's gonna kill me to listen to music."

Bojan turned it on. It was amazed at the dozens -if not hundreds- of albums that were already hacked in his machine. He went to the Tokio Hotel session and started the first track.

"This one is now a single. It's quite sad but the music is fantastic." He admitted with a grin.

The song was called _"Broken Glass Slipper"._ I must say, it was really good. Maybe a little too good for me, actually.

"Can you start another one?" I said with a grimace.

He did so and went to one called "_Fire of my tears_". The third one was called "_Can't wake up_", the fourth one _"Fly over a clover field"…_

"Stop it! Stop it! Another one, please!" I exclaimed. "Isn't there anything else? A dance song? Or even a love song, maybe?"

Bojan shook his head.

"I checked the album list on Wikipedia. There's no love song in this one."

"How is that possible? Every album's got at least one!"

We went both quiet.

"I think you should call him."

"I don't. Not after this. Not after all these horrible things I said to him. And the tears, the screams… We have no choice but to just move on. We can't go back. It's too late, it's too late…" I said and took my face in my hands.

Sometimes at night, I could still hear the bangs Bill gave to the wall and see Tom's eyes, watching me: _what did you do? _This time, Bojan took my shoulders to make me look in his eyes.

"Maybe it's not." He said and took one last thing off his backpack.

He handed me a gift that was barely bigger than my hand and wrapped in shiny paper. I took it and gave him a questioning look.

"What is it? It's not my birthday."

"You're right, it's not. That doesn't mean you still don't deserve it. It's from me and Luce. And your mum helped a little too." He added when I opened it.

There were three tickets of one of the two Tokio Hotel concerts that would soon take place in my town.

"Are you serious?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course not. Here's the real gift." He replied with a grin and took out another ticket from his pocket.

I slowly read the inscription.

"VIP pass… for a session of autographs?"

"Yeah, the tickets were really expansive, so we could only afford one pass."

"And you guys bought it for me?"

"No, for your mum. Of course, it's for you, dummy!"

This time, I gave him a real grin and held him in my arms.

"I don't know what to say… Thank you so much! You guys are the best!"

"You're welcome. As long as you remember you ought us for the rest of your life, that is."

"Don't go too far, Clark Kent." I said and rolled my eyes.


	22. Chapter 22

It was eight in the evening and pretty hot for the season. Thank god the place was fresh enough; I don't think we would have bared another minute in the car, stuck in the traffic for hours since four o'clock. My hands weren't sweaty anymore now but still shaking with nervousness. People around me didn't seem to share the same feeling, as some girls kept on talking and giggling for no reason, some others raised their arms in the air, holding their flashy panels away from the stinky and sticky crowd, a few others chanted slogans, kept on checking their perfectly studied outfit with a thousand accessories no-one –especially not the four boys- would care about or see in the dark. We could even see a few of them crying already! But most of all, some of them were really beautiful. They could work as models if they wanted to –which I'm sure wasn't so far away from their future projects. _Don't even think about it girls, he's mine!_ I mentally hissed at them like an angry cat. But even whispering wasn't worth it. I was the only one responsible for losing him in the first place.

90% wore make-up, inscriptions on their face and hands –some of them had the same ones, like they belonged to the same group or something. Some had their hair styled like 15-year-old Bill, 17 or 19-year-old Bill etc… I myself had my own accessories: a long blonde wig, tokio hotel clothes, and heavy make-up, which made me totally unrecognizable. I also had a pair of big black sunglasses in my pocket, just in case –Luce and Bojan wouldn't let me wear it.

"You're fine, sunglasses will get you more noticed than the rest."

"I look stupid."

"That's the point; you don't dress like Lola Klein would."

I shushed them. A small woman with a white cap shouted:

"Please walk on lines! Please get rid of your bottles, even if they are full!"

"Please, I'm sure you have a beautiful voice when you don't yell!" Bojan shouted back at her.

"Sorry, just doing my job!" She shouted in the same tone and we laughed.

Luce gave me a soft tap with his elbow.

"You still got your VIP-Pass, right?"

I smiled at her and tapped the pocket of my jacket.

"There."

"These pockets are really small…"

"Yeah, I can barely put my hand in it and I keep an eye on it so the pass doesn't fall."

"Want me to keep it in mine?"

"Yeah, that'll do better." I said and handed it to her.

We finally went it – and of course growled when we had no choice but to buy an expansive bottle of water at the reception though we had brought three little ones with us.

"Stephanie! Keep your shirt on!"

"But they're all doing it, mum! It's too hot in here!"

"What takes them so long anyway? I said quit pushing me in the back, bitch!"

"What? I can't hear you!"

"No, it's my third gig; we came all the way from Switzerland to be here!"

"Somebody gives me water! My friend just collapsed!

The atmosphere wasn't so unusual from any other concert. The three of us were in the front but still a few rows away from the stage, so then I would see him but he wouldn't see me, even if he wouldn't recognize me if he could. My skull was sweating under the wig; thank god I'd learned to attach it well at the theater. When the lights went out, all banshees started to scream, later going in full blast with the very first notes of the first song. The wave of screeches was so powerful I couldn't help but scream along with it –so did Luce and Bojan- and let the adrenalin flood in my veins. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster, which was fun.

My heart skipped a beat when he appeared, barely a few meters away from me. His body was so full of energy he seemed like he would shoot lightning through his eyes to the audience, beating time with his foot and grinning. He seemed to have a great time too. There was passionate 15-year-old Bill; there was my man.

And so -just like in Bojan's room- my chest tightened with the new songs, but I stood firm, even though I wanted to fake dehydration to be escorted outside and never hear it again. When the fifth song came –which was _Fire of my Tears_- I heard a girl around my age wheezing and tapped on her shoulder to ask her –or rather scream at her- if she was alright.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, crying lie a fountain. "It's just… I love this song so much! I know what it feels like, when you're sad but that sadness also makes you destroy things around you, like any of your tears was setting fire to what they touched. This band is awesome. If it hadn't been for them, I'm not afraid to say I would be dead by now!"

As the song was about to end, all girls in the hall joined in for the last chorus -which most of them knew already by heart- and released balloons whith black hearts drawn in marker on them. Even Bill was amazed at it.

"Thank you, everybody! You're the best, we love you!" He shouted with a smile.

The girls screamed back, some of them still throwing plush toys and flowers on stage. I even saw Tom struggle with a pink thong stuck in the strings of his guitar, which he had to get rid of to start the next song. I couldn't help but laugh at it along with a few girls in front of me. That's where I understood there was no way I could never match them. True, the four boys and the girls _did_ share a love story I could be jealous of. But I couldn't fight it; it was only a different kind than mine and Bill's. And it was just as beautiful.

When the concert ended and the hall started to empty after a while, I felt a hand pull my arm and saw Luce and Bojan push their way through the retreating crowd to the closest security guard.

"Do you still have…? Hold on, I do. Sir," Luce called and took out the card from her bag. "My friend's got a pass."

"Ok, you girl follow me. But you both can't come with her."

"Yeah, we know that…" Bojan said, annoyed by the guy's robotic tone. "Lola, see you outside. Good luck."

"Thanks. Thank you guys so much for this amazing evening."

"You're welcome, now go and relax. Everything's gonna be fine."

The man was not so subtly showing his impatience, so I quickly hugged them both and followed him, along with a dozen of other girls with the same passes as mine.

The guard took us to an empty where we patiently waited for the boys to show up. They later appeared, obviously tired and smiling through the last effort to make before they could get some rest for the night. My legs were shaking and I froze when Bill glanced at me, but he quickly looked at others and kept on smiling. I sighed but then saw Tom was also staring at me. I remembered I had to talk to him. He was my former ally after all.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" He said when my turn came.

"L… Laura." I said and handed him a postcard with his face on I found in Anna's room, which was also hiding a smaller piece of paper. Unfortunately, he took it from my hand to sign it and revealed it was my phone number with "_Call me_" written on it. He looked at me, then looked at the paper and smiled before hiding it in his fist.

"So…" He looked into my eyes and his voice went softer. "You're a big fan of the band, aren't you?"

Oh God. Of all the plans I had, Tom, this is not what I had in mind. At all.

"Yes... I'm a fan. A big, big fan. You guys are staying in the city for the night, right?"

Seems like my direct tone impressed him as his smile grew wider and he wrote something on the back of my number. It was an address with a time.

"Don't worry. We'll be there all night long, honey." He said and gave it back to me with a perv look.

Eeeeeeewww. Ew, ew, ew. Never do that again ! I'm dating your brother, for crying out loud !

"Great, good-bye then!" I smiled and went away, feeling the blood rush to my face. This would definitely be a nice story to tell Luce and Bojan.

I went to the hotel at the specified time, with the wig and make-up still on. Once again, the receptionist let me enter and even smiled at me as I went into the elevator. Thank god these guys didn't plan to rob a bank soon; the bankers would probably hand them the keys of the vaults before they'd even enter.

I checked on the room-number and knocked at the door. Tom opened and let me in. He sat on the couch and invited me to sit next to him as he lit on a cigarette.

"Tom, I'm not here for that." I said and took off my wig.

He chocked on the puff he was taking and his eyes grew wide.

"Lola? …What are you doing here?" He said and turned off his cigarette that had fallen on his pants.

"I live here. This is my town. Listen, I'm here to talk. I wanted to see your brother and I thought you could help me for that."

A shadow fell on his face as he sat more comfortably on the couch:

"You know, I don't know if I should let you talk to my brother... Not after what you did to him." He said and gave me a threatening look.

"I know, I'm a terrible person for that."

"You destroyed him! He counted on you so much! Do you know how long he waited to trust a girl again? Eight years. That's a fucking long time! And now he barely talks, like he doesn't notice people around him anymore. I don't know if he'll ever fully recover from this and I want to punch something every time I remember there's nothing I can do to help him. That's how pissed-off I am at you right now!"

"I know… Trust me, I hate myself so much if you wanted to kill me, I would just let you. But Tom, listen to me, I'm begging you. I was forced to." I said and stood in front of him to make him look into my eyes. "You hear me? They let me no choice. It was for the sake of the show. But I wanna fix it now. " I paused. "Tom… Ever since we met, we never talked. Not once. Yet, we immediately got along when it came to making Bill happy. I don't know the link that connects you both and I don't care. I just love your brother. So you can probably tell how he was since we got together. Because you felt it, right?"

Tom was listening to me with his arms crossed on his chest. He bowed his head for a minute and sighed:

"He was the happiest guy on Earth. He'd only talk about you night and day. Up to the point I was almost jealous not to date someone on the regular too. I said almost; the link's got its limits. Actually, that's probably where they stop." He said and smiled.

"We shouldn't have been separated. Bill is an extraordinary man. You are both extraordinary. All of this is a mistake, and I want to wake Bill from that nightmare."

He nodded:

"You're right. He _is_ living a nightmare, now. Thank god we're on tour, because I don't know what he would have done otherwise."

He then stood up; he was as tall as his brother, so he was easily towering me.

"Listen carefully. You hurt my brother. A lot. I'm the only one he still fully trusts. I'm gonna talk to him now. But I'm telling you," He pointed at me with a glare. "if he gets mad at me or if you fail, you'll be all alone against the both of us. Understood ?"

I frantically nodded as he got out and closed the door behind me. It felt like an eternity. When he finally came back, I was both hoping and fearing his answer at the same time:

"You can come. Now it's all up to you."


	23. Chapter 23

Though we were facing –I was on the bed, he was on the couch- we barely looked at each other. We moved even less, like we were trapped in ice. A melody came back to my mind as my mouth started in a weak voice:

_"All along it was a fever_

_A cold sweat hot-headed believer…"_

Bill didn't twitch a muscle. His expression was just like Tom's, with the same pouty mouth and dark look in his eyes. I tried to approach him and take his hand but he instantly withdrew it. I didn't move from my place as I bluntly explained it all, like I'd been explaining Tom, this time not missing a single detail of that horrible day.

"I swear… I swear I wanted to go back in the elevator and tell you it was all a lie. But I knew the lady wouldn't let me… and I was scared you wouldn't listen anyway. All I'm saying is the whole truth, no less, no more. Bill… I wished with all my might I could have another moment, one last second with you."

His eyes remained expressionless. I might as well have tried to apologize to the wall and probably gotten a better result. All hope was lost to me. I sighed.

"So... here's how it ends. I guess I deserve it. I'm the one responsible; I should have known you were better than just falling for a song and a touch of the hand. You're romantic but you're not dumb. I am. I definitely am. Alright... I understand. I'll go now. You soon won't be hearing of me anymore. But before that, I just wanted you to know that I tried. You're the only I truly loved, Bill, with all my soul. And I'm proud of our story, even if we had to fight sometimes just to get to contact each other. You're an amazing human being who made me believe in myself. So I wanted at least to thank you for all the great moments we shared together. I even did this…" I said and unrolled my sleeve to reveal the little bird and clover of the pendant I had tattooed on my wrist: "So you'll remain in my skin until my death, even beyond death. Only worms will be able to take it from me."

I looked at his face; he hadn't moved. But it didn't matter, I knew it was too late. So I leaned down and whispered in his ear with a kiss on the cheek:

"Farewell, Mackie."

When I closed the door behind me, there was no regrets. I did the right thing, even if it didn't turn out the way I hoped it would. At least I had said all the things I wanted to tell him and my heart was now serene again. When I went to leave the floor, Tom's door opened and we faced each other:

"How did it go?" He murmured.

I shook my head and he looked disappointed.

"It's okay." I replied. "I should have known that there are things in this world that sometimes cannot be forgiven, no matter how hard you try."

I then turned my back at him to leave but he put his hand on my shoulder:

"Wait, there's something I wanna give you."

He opened his hand and I saw it was another couple of tickets for tomorrow night with places next to the front stage. He also had a black bracelet with a silver clover in the middle.

"He says he doesn't want to keep it."

I looked at him and put it on, but it was too large for my wrist and kept on falling. I gave him a sad smile:

"Even his gift rejects me."

"Please tell me you'll go to the concert tomorrow night. We'll probably never meet again afterwards!"

"I will. Even if I think you're doing that just to make me pay." I sighed. "So, see you tomorrow, the four of you."

He took me in his arms and held me tight. He didn't smell like his brother's cologne. I was already missing it again.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out." He said in an undertone.

We parted and I smiled at him before he finally let me go.

As Anna was upset not to have come with us the first time, I took her with me and kept an eye on her in the crowd.

"If you don't feel well, just let me know and I'll take you outside."

"I told you, I was fine! Can you hold on my phone? I gotta tie my shoelaces."

She was obviously annoyed with me asking her all the time if she was okay. The fact is, maybe I was looking for any pretext to leave. My job was done; I had accepted the fact that I would never be with Bill again. I felt awkward to see him again not only without a disguise, but also to be in his field of vision.

The concert started the same way as yesterday, with the wave of shrills rolling over our heads and drilling our brains through our eardrums again. I saw my sister pale and blush when Bill appeared less than a meter away from her, towering her frail silhouette like a titan. I myself wanted to hide behind her, but instead instinctively clenched to her in a protective gesture. She herself dug her nails in my arm, fearing and adoring the god that was finally in front of her, almost face to face.

Our eyes never met. Probably because I was trying to avoid them just like he was avoiding mine. Besides, I was too busy trying to protect my baby sister from the amazons that were trying to take her place in front of her idol. The music later caught my ear and I started to carefully listen. I thought I knew this song; it definitely wasn't from the new album.

When she recognized it, Anna squeaked and jumped up and down:

"It's _Unendlichkeit_! I love this song! I hope it's the German version!"

My eyes went wide. It _was_ "Unendlichkeit"… the infinity. Bill started to walk on stage to talk through the intro to the audience:

"This song is one of our first ones from the first album, back when we weren't what we are now. Some of you don't know about that time, some of you do and still remember it…"

Some girls like Anna screamed back at him in confirmation.

"Yes, those were the old times… But I'm glad to see that this song still means something to people, even when they hear it for the first time. A few months ago, I made a girl listen to this, and she gave me the best reaction one could have, especially since she didn't mean to give it to me in the first place."

I then noticed a few people eying me in the crowd, including Anna who was now hiding her mouth in her hands and stared at me in shock. I raised my head and saw he too was looking at me with intensity. _All this time, he knew where I was_, I thought. He smiled and brought the mike back to his lips.

"And now, I want that silly oversensitive girl to come on stage and sing it with me."

A security guard approached me and pulled me out of the anonymous crowd and then helped me to raise and stand above it. I looked down at the ocean of females in front of me –who had long time recognized that Lola-girl from DSDS and were all screaming at her- feeling my heart beat so fast it was making my head spin. A technician handed me a second mike and I looked at Bill, now standing in front of me in his shiny bright red and black jacket. I tried my best not to shake but my bones seemed to have turned into paper.

_"I don't remember the lyrics!"_ I mouthed to Bill as discreetly as possible as we were now standing sideways to the audience who had turned silence.

He winked at me with the eye they couldn't see and whispered:

_"Just relax. Take a deep breath… and give in."_

Everything suddenly came back to my mind and my heart calmed down a little. I closed my eyes, the music started, and I directly focused on my one and only fixed point. The eyes of Cruella Deville's son, of Dita von Teese's parakeet, of the teenage spirit and mannequin's body, of one of the Kaulitz twins, of the singer of that cool German band everybody was ashamed to listen to, of the lonely alienated Beast, of my prince, of my bird… Bill. The lyrics came on their own :

_„Die Wärme trägt uns bis in die Unendlichkeit  
Alles treibt an uns vorbei  
im Mondlicht sind nur noch wir zwei…"_

I was so focused on them I didn't realize Bill let me sing alone and joined me only in the chorus:

_„Die Unendlichkeit ist nicht mehr weit  
die Unendlichkeit ist jetzt nicht mehr weit…"_

The closer we were to the end of the song, the closer he'd come to me, until he put his hand on my shoulder and made the both of us face the audience, with fans underneath us whoop with delight. Bill let me sing the last verse alone again, to my surprise. And when the song ended, I was even more taken aback to see nothing but joyful grins and hear cheer applause and chants of victory from people who used to throw sticks and stones at me for dating their hero. One girl had even quickly added my name with a marker next to Bill's on the love message of her cardboard panel.

Just when I wasn't the least expecting this, Bill then came to me and kissed me on the lips, cheers crackling around us louder than ever, like a firework.

"Now it's official." I said.

He nodded and smiled when he saw I was wearing his bracelet. As it was big enough for two, he inserted his hand in the circle of pearls and our fingers intertwined as we raised our arms in the air, standing like two victors in front of the applauding crowd. For this was a victory none of us would ever forget, no matter how hard life or reality would be to us. Because every fairy tale in the world, to all princes and beasts, princesses and servants, should always end on a good note.

ENDE.


End file.
